There is a Time

A time to Unite with the Brave ones...

2012-01-14T07:57:00.007-07:00

Intimidation can be thick in the slew of eyes that watch. The faces that stop to take notice of your work {or lack of}. Making assessments and interpretations thru their lens. Most often, not fulling understanding your view, your heart, or your intention.

And that fraudulent voice seems to get louder with the ticking of time. It slithers in dark and unnoticed, hovers in waiting to make itself known. Waiting to project lies and mask it's identity as yours.

Followed by the pounding heart and the internal questioning.

Am I doing okay?

Is this right?

Will they understand?

Do real artists question themselves this much?

In the frazzle to walk boldly. I ask for courage and I pray for guidance.

And out of the dawn of morning, it comes to me. Transported through simliar hearts and hands... "Say YES!"

A sisterhood. United to do brave things.

Say Yes.

A safe place. Knit together in community.

Say Yes.

A gathering of women. Supporting the artist within.

Say Yes.

And so I do.... Nervous feet, jump. Taking the leap into arms that relate. And the heart cries "Yes! Do brave things! CREATE!"

Warmth and welcomes arise.
And ever so slowly I feel intimidation fade.

A time to Reject Religion...

2012-01-11T12:45:00.003-07:00

JESUS>Religion

(pause music on lower right side)

Truth through words, my heart in poetry...

This is why JESUS is my all!

A time to Create...

2012-01-10T15:00:00.005-07:00

It seems as though cobwebs have been residing in these parts of my life lately. Time has not granted me much space to write in these corners.

However, an anticipation and expectancy for this new year has been rippling under my skin for weeks now.

I am eager to CREATE. To spread the stokes and wings to take flight.

A season of change. A sense of birth into something new.

As I've searched the heart of God for me, and a word for this year to come, there was one that stood out above the rest. The word that made me quiver with nerves and an unease to be vulnerable.

CREATE!

Who am I to fashion art?

The Creator creates.

We are but His art... His masterpiece.

My steps want to halt in fear, but my heart is pregnant with hope.

In wait of witnessing His sketches. His movements.

Taking this life and fashioning His glory.

For I know anything that comes forth from me, is sovereignly planned.

It is not about making much of me. I am no artist at all, if not for His grace.

It is about making much of Him.

Our blank canvases are painted in colours divine by His very word.

With anticipation I'm stepping forward in courage, becoming comfortable with vulnerability, and letting God birth His creativity in me.

Let it begin...

A time to Take it Down...

2011-12-30T17:30:00.001-07:00

I catch some slack from friends and friends of friends, who know about this "quirk" I have. This tendency to put away my Christmas decor shortly after Christmas. Most of the time it's on Boxing Day, but on the rare occasion I have put it away the eve of Christmas (yep, you can insert a gasp right here).

I've done it twice, to be exact. Once in 2006. And then again this year.

To the outsider, it may look like I'm dealing with chores when I should be relaxing with family. Or that I'm wanting to put away the remains of Christmas and just get on with life.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

You see, when it comes to setting up the tree, the excitement of children fills the room. Traditions are kept and followed through, with "Who put the star on top of the tree last year?". Hot cocoa is steaming in mugs. Pictures are being taken and the flash of cameras and lights give a glow to the room. Sometimes, bickering breaks out between sisters because they wanted to put that ornament, on that branch, on that side. Decorating can become a frenzy of tangled tinsel and broken jingle bells, along with concerns to make everything look pretty.

As much as I enjoy those times and cherish them deeply, that's not what Christmas is for me. And putting away the Christmas tree & decor is much more calming. It's a purposeful time, when I get to strip it all back and remember.

I do it by myself, while my family hovers around the fire, playing with new toys and discoveries. As they relish in the abundance of gifts around them, I'm doing the very same thing. It just looks different.

Because in that moment I have space to breath, I have air that is Holy with His peaceful presence, and I see this time as ours. Sacred. We commune over the taking down and He speaks words of expectation into my heart, for the year to come. My spirit is warm with gratitude, this is never a chore to me. It is our time, our reminiscing about the current year that is coming to a close. I whisper prayers of thanks with each ornament that has precious memory. This is my time to enjoy what we place in the shadows, all the while realizing that Christmas is far more then the gold & red glass balls that hang on lofty branches.

Christmas is about the crimson red that ran through the veins of baby, who would live a life to give us Hope, a death to give us life, and a resurrection to fulfill a promise.

As I pack away the things that are just reflections, I am more aware of The substance that lives... Not in the coziness of a decorated home, but in the beating of every heart that believes.

The heart that knows Christmas is about worship, not just for one day... but for all of them.

Christmas lives and breaths, daily. And it isn't dependant on the time line I keep my home wrapped in evergreen and pinecones. Christmas is about birth and newness of life thru the One who came with no decoration at all. As much as I love my home sparkling with twinkling lights and the aroma of cinnamon, I wait eagerly for my moment, which is lovingly intentional, to package it up until next year. I listen. I worship. I give thanks. I recognize the graces. And I earnestly desire His will for the coming year.

Slack or no slack. This is what we do. Saviour and me.

Let it be during the quiet of eve on Christmas or the day to follow, it really doesn't matter. For I know He is the gift, I know He the reason, and I know He is with me always (even without a tree).

For what would be a tree, if not for the cross?_ His blood poured out for me.

A time for Love Lessons...

2011-12-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

We work on seeing the love-lessons.

Us together. This little family intricately weaved.

We pray for the eyes to see and for the heart to understand.

After arguments between sisters who have constantly been at-throat and clashing over compromise.

We work on seeing the lesson. We work on love.

After this exhausted Mama snaps sharp in the chaos of mess or mayhem.

We work on seeing the lesson. We work on love.

After a weighed-down day at the office has Daddy tired, and daughters spill over in wants and wishes.

We work on seeing the lesson. We work on love.

After the love between Spouses seems dull in the shuffle of extra-curiculars and the scheduling of commitments.

We work on seeing the lesson. We work on love.

After each one of us has a separate agenda and our family looses it's vision.

We work on seeing the lesson. We work on love.

Because being a parent involves intention, being a family involves sacrifice, and being present involves heart & desire.... all wrapped up in a love still learning.

And when we work on seeing the lesson, we are actually being wooed into the transformational presence of God. To see through His eyes, to lean on His understanding, and to love as He loves.

Living intertwined within a household of different personalities gives us opportunities to love as the scriptures advise... to love with patience, to love with kindness, to love without boasting, and to love without wanting our own way. And God gives grace in each circumstance, in the day-to-day, to see the lessons and turn back to love. For love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

A time for Gospel Truth...

2011-12-07T00:00:00.003-07:00

We as believers, seem to have Gospel amnesia.

We forget what has been DONE for us. What has been finished!

Which is why we must preach the gospel to our "religious" hearts, every single day (every 30 seconds if we have to).

It was Luther who said "Religion is the default mode of the human heart".

And religion sets us up to fail.

The gospel, however, is our hope, our peace, and our security.

The gospel declares us to be worse off than we even realize, and sometimes more than we want to acknowledge.

The gospel reveals how much we need Jesus to take our place of punishment for all the many ways we have (and still will) fall short of God's glory.

We needed Jesus to exhaust God's wrath against us and our sin, lest we foolishly try to muster up favour by anything of our own accord (religiousness).

I am thankful and humbled that Jesus fulfilled ALL the demands of the law for me, and lived a life of perfect obedience on my behalf.

That is the Gospel of Grace!

Let us always return to Gospel truth...

It's all about Jesus, our solid rock on which we stand.

A time to Hush the Frazzle...

2011-12-05T00:00:00.003-07:00

{Photo credit}

I send her love messages. My heart in word to bring some calm.

Her soul aches. And I understand the pitch of such pain.

Sitting there, wrapped in the unknowns of tomorrow or next year. And How we can choose to fret or we can choose to embrace, but worry seems to dominate.

I'm thinking of you today. As I remember.

The whirl-wind of emotion that overwhelms.

Frazzled mind, hush......

Take it slow.

Simply embrace the now.

The moments of right here.

Listen for that gentle quiet voice that does not relent in His pursuit for your heart.

Listen for the ticking of time which calls you to rest in Him.

Listen for that call to take hold of the gifts and witness the grace upon grace...

those seconds of pause, as you catch the glint of light shine across the dark and radiate His love.

I recognize where you are, and know that you are not alone.

I have no doubt in your refining. This suffering is not without purpose or hope.

Hope is your balm.

And hope is ever present. Hope is your now!

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

~Matthew 6:34

A time to Create in Truth...

2011-11-24T00:00:00.006-07:00

We are all artists to a certain degree. Interpretors.

We paint people and situations with brush stokes that are most familiar to us.

Dark.

Light.

Chaotic.

Crazy.

Gentle.

Calming.

Negative.

Abstract.

Intimate.

We create imagery based on our personal experience, emotion, and filters.

Chasing after our perception. Formulating our comprehension.

But there is often a infinite gap between what actually is and our interpretation of what is.

Our interpretations are internal reflections based on our particular journey.

Each of us, as canvas, have been painted by many.

But there is only one truth that stands out, through all other strokes that have tried to paint you into someone you are not.

The truth that you belong to Him.

You are His.

Designed.

Claimed.

Fashioned.

We are His art... His masterpiece! Let us also be His artists.

Painting pictures of Grace, not accusation.

Painting pictures of Love, not indifference.

Painting pictures of Hope, not defeat.

Painting pictures of Faith, not self-effort.

So pick up your brush, the world is waiting to see Him through you.
Reflect your maker!

A time to Be the Church...

2011-11-22T00:01:00.002-07:00

If there is one thing that makes my heart unleash the tears of emotion, it's how the church sometimes deals with their wounded.

Pointing out their wrongs and trampling the already down and out.

I cry over the brokenness of the woman getting a divorce. The one who feels as though her life is under the microscopic scrutiny of judgemental eyes. Shifting over her every decision.

I cry over the addiction of the husband who still struggles with pornography because all the "programs" aren't working and the people who know of it wonder why he can't just "stop".

I cry over the bound up children who have parents more concerned about rearing their behaviours in order to make themselves look better. Rather then taking time to minister to their impresionable hearts that are aching for an environment of authenticity.

It's no wonder they walk away from church. The hurting ones, aching for love and grace.

Living in a fear of hypocrisy and misunderstanding.

Could it be that we are more concerned with maintaining a facade, quickly tidying things up, instead of engaging in the messy?

We need to receive people where they are at, while helping them fix their eyes on Jesus, not their struggle.

It takes absolutely no faith to point out someones wrongs, flaws, or faults. But it takes an boundless amount of faith to look beyond the external behaviours, circumstances, and sin and show others with our actions and love, a grace which is limitless.

I want to be someone who isn't simply chasing after the representations of God, in a self-sufficient mode of life, but someone who is actually chasing after God.
Like the prostitute running for her redeemer.

I want to be the church who stands with the accused, because they are the ones who understand that there is NO accusation for those who are in Jesus.
He died for our sins. All of them. Past. Present. Future.

Even the ones we haven't committed yet are covered by His scandalous saving grace.

You see, it is grace that exposes the root of the issue without excusing or ignoring it. Grace doesn't care how it might appear to others since grace is the bigger picture. Grace creates a community knit by love rather then performance. Grace is what heals the wounded.

If Jesus welcomes the broken and busted, the fallen and hurting with His open arms of mercy, shouldn't we?

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. ~ Galatians 6:1-3

A time to Grow...

2011-11-18T08:30:00.001-07:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... GROW

"Growth comes through pain", she told me.
A friend much older and wiser then I.
A friend who has dug the dirt to place seed.

There are days I claw my way through the muck and mire to the lowly places, the deep, dark, lonely ones and wait for the hope of cracked open seed to take root.

To grow.

It's the tight spaces that shape us. Form us into His image.

For when we find ourselves in the crevasse, He is there.

The holy cleft in which we grow.

If we simply lay ourselves down into the LORD, He brings rest to the weary soul

A hush to our angst.

A refuge to grow.

Through the hurt. Through the suffering. Through the unexplainable.

We know the best growth comes through pain.

It is His work... let us rest in His promise.

...for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

~Philippians 2:13

A time to Awaken our Senses...

2011-11-16T00:00:00.003-07:00

We are formed for this. Life.

To wake from slumber and blink the heavy eyes slowly. Waiting. To see.

Witnesses of beauty.

Spectators of glory.

To awaken our senses and fully engage, to consume all that is around us.

For us.

Do we take the time to see the masterpieces?

His art.

Framed in moments.

Often, our moments are rushed and our forgetful hearts don't pause.

But I desire to be a woman of intention.

One of deliberate findings.

The here and now framing of graces.

Spread wide and thick and abundant.

He creates.

Promise & Hope. For us.

The mist of His presence that falls on every instance. It's grace.

For when we become more aware of Him, we understand more of this.

A stillness of self to best receive the daily art. The daily graces.

And I want to see. And I want to still. And I want to know and give thanks.

To come alive to the beauty surrounding me. And think about such things.

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

~Philippians 4:8,9

A time to be like the Prostitute...

2011-11-14T00:00:00.002-07:00

I weep at the thought.

As my heart pumps pictures of life once lived.

As the story runs wild in my mind, I picture me as her.

The prostitute.

I see her heels, kicking up dirt, running with urgency down the beaten streets to find Him.

The One. Her only. Salvation.

Bare soles making piercing strides, tripping over garments of well-worn linens and garments of heavy shame.

Her long hair dancing into a matted mess of tangles, as she searches with desperation to fall lowly before Him. Gripped tightly in her hand is the alabaster jar, her only possession of worth.

The beating of her heart is fast. Her breathing weighted. Her chest is tight, ready to explode. "Which house is it? I need to find Him!"

The necessity is overwhelming, as she keeps racing toward mercy and grace, our God who pulled on flesh to bring these specific gifts to us.

She hikes up her lengthy gown to keep herself from stumbling, as she barges in through the door. A strangers home. A home where the religious leaders are reclining. Pharisee's judging and questioning.

Her only care is to find sweet release.

To find freedom.

To live in truth.

And to know love.

Through the crowd, she spots Him. Her eyes glazed with wells of tears.

All other eyes are on her, and she only has vision for one.

Focused on her mission to seek and find.

With a thundering thud, her knees drop. The wailing of years sends a shudder through her spine.

With shaky hands she opens her jar of oiled perfume, and begins to give all that is of any significance to the only one who is significance. Alabaster contents and salted prostitute-tears clean the feet of Christ, the only one who needs no cleansing. Her hair, a woman's crown of glory, wipes the dirt from dusted sandals and gritty streets.

As she cries. And pours oil. And wipes hair. And kisses feet. There is not a care in the world that would deter her in that moment.

As judgements are being passed and silent accusations are made by bystandars, she continues. The prostitute has heart.

This prostitute gets it.

Without a word spoken, Jesus knows what they are thinking of her. He knows how grace grates the nerves of those who think more highly then they ought. With all of His fierce humble love, He educates the proud by stating that they could learn from her.

The prostitute understands that humility and courage are one of the same, when they come barging through the door, desperate for the One in whom life comes.

Humility and courage don't worry about on-lookers or their small-minded judgements.

Humility and courage will lay down their life, for the sake of finding it.

Humility and courage are fragrant with tears and a sincere offering of repentance.

Humility and courage are clothed in a simple and honest knowledge that everything comes through and is through... One. The Only. Jesus Christ our Saviour.

May I always humble myself like the prostitute.

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

~1Peter 5:5

A time to Resume...

2011-11-07T09:00:00.001-07:00

(press play to listen)

I've been avoiding this sacred space like the plague.

It's been scarring me numb.

Intimate heart-whispers that ignite a full fire, a passion, a rumbling under the skin to write... and I want to hide instead. Fearful.

Let's NOT go there.

Let's NOT say that.

Let's NOT ruffle feathers.

But it won't let up... the shaking & stirring, it's burning. And hiding is giving me no sweet release. Comfort is not being found in my wanting to escape the possibility of opposition.

So, here I am tap-tap-taping on these white keys scuffed with dirt from hands and I see the beauty in that. That white doesn't stay clean long.

Dirt is beyond lovely when it brings clarity. When it makes known our need for washing. Cleansing.

Life simply gets gritty sometimes. It can't always be tied up in pretty packages with sparkling string. Some times it explodes into a glorious mess. And I see the beauty in that too.

His sovereign working, ALL things.

All things together for good.

Mess.

Pain.

Hurt.

Grit.

It's all grace.

It's all His.

This too. This small space. It's purposed.

And it doesn't always come packaged full of charming take-aways.

But one thing is certain... it's real & it's heart!

A time to Grow in Grace...

2011-10-20T00:00:00.000-06:00

I'm using someone else's words today, because I simply cannot get enough of them. I find them reflective, honest, to-the-point, bold, refreshing, and thought provoking.

Scotty Smith is an author and Pastor who tweets daily. Many of his tweets are themed around "A sign you're growing in Grace". Each day I look forward to reading more gospel-soaked truth, and I hope you are encouraged thru his words.

A sign you're growing in grace:

*You discovered again today, at least 3 or 4 times, how much you need the gospel.

*You go to the harbor of God's heart more than you harbor resentment, grudges and spite.

*You've got a gospel posse that knows your darkest stuff and current struggles, bar none.

*You choose being known as someone needing God's mercy & grace, versus hiding the real you.

*You don't treat theology like a hobby or a sport, but as a sacred stewardship of truth.

*You've given up trying to explain yourself (sell) to everyone.

*You don't confuse high self-esteem with beloved-ness in Christ.

*When disheartened, you take up a towel to wash feet rather than just throw in the towel.

*Your commitment to relationships is based more on God's glory than your fulfillment .

*You no longer promise or insinuate you'll do stuff you don't have time or intent to do.

*You get convicted about your sin MORE because you feel condemned for your sin LESS.

*The gospel has given you better tools for dealing with your shame and contempt.

*You're careful not to live vicariously through your kids. Their story is THEIR story.

*You're less nosy. You don't pressure people to bend or break confidences.

*Romans 8:28 is becoming more like long term health care than a Biblical band aid to you.

*You're willing to disappoint people who have the power and will to make you pay.

*You've never worked so hard to understand the other person's perspective in a conflict.

*You talk less about the gifts God gave you & more about the glory & grace of the Giver.

*You don't cop a graceless attitude towards people who say you emphasize grace too much.

*Though not literally a hand, you have "cut off" something that causes you to sin.

*You've repented of "I had a good day" righteousness b/c Jesus forgives your "goodness" too.

*When Jesus says, "I've come to set prisoners free", you show him your shackles.

*More and more, people get the feeling that Jesus is the hero in your testimony, not you.

A time to See Worth in the Exhaustion...

2011-10-19T00:00:00.001-06:00

I snapped.

"I'm so exhausted" I told my husband.

After several congested weeks with a jam-packed schedule, I was looking forward to a family get-away. A handful of days to enjoy the coastal sun & fresh air, afternoons of relaxed exploring, and lazy evenings of reading poolside at our hotel. But by the end of day one, the exhaustion of the previous 3 weeks boiled over. Instead of desiring a family vacation, I desired a hole to crawl into. A bed to catch my collapse.

"I can't do all of this. I'm tired, I'm drained, and I've got nothing left." I continued to sob.

I pouted over my parenting, and my lack of patience.

I complained about my inadequacies, and not being good enough.

I was ready to throw in my tattered towel.

But in the midst of my pity-party, God spoke to my heart...

This is worth the exhaustion.

They are worth the exhaustion.

I may not be able to be a supermom or a superwoman, and I may not be able to have my fairy-tale-family-vacation (without bickering daughters and complaints from the backseat). But this is what was needed for me to recognize something essential.

It's worth it.

The tears. The tired. The daily wondering if I'm a terrible mother.

They are worth it. My daughters.

If God, through all of my sin and selfishness, with my tendency to swing emotion from joy to drain, thankfulness to ungrateful, if through all of that, God thinks I'm worth the cost, then through Him I can find the strength to count the cost too.

I cost Him A LOT. Mockery. Blood. Death.

Jesus paid the greatest price for me. For us.

He is loving.

He is patient.

He is kind.

He is long-suffering.

He is all the things I need to parent well.

And it is worth it! They are worth it!

A time to Confidently Walk in Grace...

2011-10-14T00:00:00.001-06:00

Your life has been designed for you. Crafted and Chosen.

A story written. His love-ink devised...

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. ~1Corin7:17

When you're saturated in the understanding that God is in control, sovereign, and supreme, then you can relish in the truth that you are where you are suppose to be. You don't chose the spiritual life God has given to you, or how He'll reveal Himself to you through your life's journey. It's the life He decided for you on your behalf. Everything happens for a reason, catered to who you are, not who you think you should be.

Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, poured out His love for us.

Even our faith is His, so we will boast in Him alone.

Looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross ~Hebrews12:2a

God doesn't wait until you have it all right, before He comes to you.

He bought you with a price. You are His. You are accepted exactly where you are.

Grace is never earned.

Those who want to point fingers or pick up stones in judgement, don't recognize the freedom in which Jesus died for. If you are a slave to something other than His freedom, then make your way out. Run to Him. He wants you.

His grace is your way out.

You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. 1Corin7:23

You do not need to prove yourself to the bystanders making their assumptions, for you are already approved in Christ. That right there, is freedom! That is grace! That is His love for you!

Stop wrestling with your inadequacies... and focus on Jesus & everything He has done on your behalf... The gospel of His mercy and grace.

For the grace that comes to us in Jesus Christ is not measured. This grace refuses to allow itself to be tethered to our innate sense of fairness, reciprocity, and balancing of the scales. It is defiant…However much we may laud grace with our lips, our hearts are so thoroughly law-marinated that the Christian life must be, at core, one of continually bathing our hearts and minds in gospel grace. We are addicted to law. Conforming our lives to a moral framework, playing by the rules, meeting a minimum standard—this feels normal. And it is how we naturally medicate that deep sense of inadequacy within. The real question is not how to avoid becoming a Pharisee; the question is how to recover from being the Pharisee we already, from the womb, are.

Law feels safe. Grace feels risky. Rule-keeping breeds a sense of manageability; grace feels like moral vertigo. After all, if all that we are is by grace, there is no limit to what God can ask of us. But if some corner of our virtue is due to personal contribution, there is a ceiling on what God can ask of us. He can bring us only so far. He can only ask so much.

Such is not the call of Christ. The Jesus of the Gospels defies our domesticated, play-by-the-rules morality. It was the most extravagant sinners of Jesus’ day who received his most compassionate welcome; it was the most scrupulous law-abiders who received his most searing denunciation. The point is not that we should therefore take up sin. The point is that we should lay down the silly insistence on leveraging our sense of self-worth with an ongoing moral record. Better a life of sin with penitence than a life of obedience without it.

It is time to enjoy grace anew. Not the decaffeinated grace that pats us on the hand, ignores our deepest rebellions, and doesn’t change us, but the high-octane grace that takes our conscience by the scruff of the neck and breathes new life into us with a pardon so scandalous that we cannot help but be changed. It’s time to blow aside the hazy cloud of condemnation that hangs over us throughout the day with the strong wind of gospel grace. “You are not under law but under grace” (Rom 6:14). Jesus is real, grace is defiant, life is short, risk is good. For many of us the time has come to abandon once and for all our play-it-safe, toe-dabbling Christianity and dive in. It is time, as Robert Farrar Capon put it, to get drunk on grace. Two hundred-proof, defiant grace.

Grace scares people. It's defiant of our conditionality, our boundaries, our limits. When you start to live grace out, in the freedom & change that grace brings, people around you might get uneasy. See, Christianity is the end of religion, but some Christians don't realize they're still living in their "religiousness", so they see too much grace as a loose canon...

However, God's grace doesn't go out of bounds, because there are none.

It's limitless. Abounding. Radical. Free.

I'm all about living out of the love, mercy, and grace God has scripted in my life through the faith and revelation He has given me. This is not my own, it's His story, but I do have the privilege to live in it.

A time for Feasting on Silence...

2011-10-12T00:00:00.002-06:00

This space has been empty for weeks.

Tucked away into the depths of my heart, waiting.

Life had me travelling. Winding down all sorts of roads, paths, and avenues.

And time found no cracked-open space to script words here.

Words that swirled, took pause...

But I didn't mind.

I relished in the ability to not feel forced in this space, but rather, having the freedom to breathe and move, and have my being outside of here.

Outside of expectation.

Expectations that I drape. Shadows I live behind.

Release has been good.

Silence has been nutritious...

And I am thankful for the feast!

"There are times when silence is wiser than speech.

We should be better, if we were more alone, waiting upon God. And gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . .”

~ Charles Spurgeon

A time for Unmasking...

2011-09-19T00:01:00.002-06:00

There are more than a few who know me well enough to decipher a fake smile from a real one.

Behind the glistening pearly whites they see the awkward curl of my lip which indicates something is off. Or rather, something is on. A mask.

The one I wear in a laid back smile and a world of hurt behind my eyes.

Why do we often default here? Into hiding.

"Stop it, Manda. You don't need to fake it." They simply know when to call my bluff. That's friendship.

There is a beauty in living authentic that can not be masked or covered up. A honest beauty that cries to be seen.

Once people know the real you, the counterfeit is easy to spot.

It stands out. Highlighted.

And grace makes it all possible.

Grace unlocks the heart from being bound to living free, because our true identity is locked in Christ.

Jesus died for our freedom.

The Gospel of Grace, God's abounding love, frees us from the constant pressure to perform, to hide, to be, or to pretend.

All we ever need to be, God accomplished for us.

This is beyond refreshing!

It liberates us to toss away the counterfeit and be everything God created us to be in Him.

What more can we add to our identity that Jesus hasn't already done? Nothing.

True freedom happens when we realize who we really are has nothing to do with us.

"Stop it. You don't need to fake it."

Jesus said, “It is finished.” (John 19:30)

A time for Jesus...

2011-09-15T00:01:00.001-06:00

My heart aches for people who've been misguided into thinking Christianity is about more then Jesus.

Seriously? It's all about Jesus!

That's Gospel Math!

I like what Leonard Sweet has to say, so I thought I'd share his thoughts today!

A time for Good News...

2011-09-12T00:01:00.004-06:00

When I write words, here... I write for you but I write to me.

These are all things I am learning. None mastered. All in development.

My reminders, that I am a work in progress.

I easily wither into the helpless and true state of me. Imperfect.

My mornings can be filled with good intentions as I roll out of bed, only to be squandered by the frustrations I see as I rise and move about.

Fresh water splatters on the mirror that I just polished yesterday.

Dirty cups left laying on the playroom floor.

Piles of colourful laundry I ignored all week, or the growing list of "things" to complete.

*sigh*

It's in these moments I realize, I'm not enough. Nor do I have enough.

Sometimes, I'm just too selfish to vacuum and wash the floors because I'd rather watch TV or read a book. I'm too tired to pound out the extra milage I should be running, and settle for less then what I know I'm capable of. Sometimes, I don't have the discipline to work on my intentions or motives and I'd rather throw my hands in the air and pout. I can easily agree to pulling the covers up over my head with the desire to not slip out of bed at all.

The beauty in all of my imperfections is that I serve a perfect God, who is MORE then enough.

A God who gives strength in the weariness.

A God who gives love in the unloveable moments.

A God who gives the pure motivation to accomplish the difficult.

A God who gives all of Himself so that I can not boast in anything but Him alone.

I love that.

I love that it's not about me.

There is an elated freedom when we can walk in all that He is and not worry about all that we are not.

The beauty of God's grace is that it confronts us with what we don't have while it provides us with everything we need.

We aren't enough.

But He is.

That's the GOOD NEWS!

A time for Me in Real Life...

2011-09-08T23:50:00.000-06:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... IN REAL LIFE

In real life...

I'm intense and passionate.

I'm strong, yet delicate. Brave, yet scared.

In real life...
I love deep
I live fast
I read intently
I work hard
I talk straight
I dream safe
I hug tight
I hold on

I use sarcasm
I hope much
I want more
I desire less
I fall often
I sleep pretzeled
I laugh loud
I cook decent

I welcome grace
I kiss soft
I pray daily
I stand steady
I rise dusted
I expect more

I write casual
I walk swiftly
I skip seldom
I wish lots
I smile wide
I eat well
I play little
I clean enough
I run plenty
I lack wisdom
I embrace faith

In real life...
I'm me. But most importantly... I am His, and that's all that really matters!

A time for Breathing in Grace...

2011-09-07T00:01:00.002-06:00

If there is one thing I know is true, it's that I'm surrounded by grace.

It is everywhere.

I breathe grace in.

It may look like food and clothing, but it is grace.

It may look like trial or suffering, but it is grace.

It may look like money in the bank, but it is grace.

It may look like gifts or talents, but it is grace.

It may look like relationships, but it is grace.

It may look like tough love, but it is grace.

It may look like a house or place to live, but it is grace.

It may look like brokenness, but it is grace.

It may look like it's not enough, but it is grace.

It may look like _____________, but it is grace.

Fill in the blank!
What GRACE do you see in your life today?

A time for Pushing Thru Resistance...

2011-09-05T19:00:00.001-06:00

Spaces can feel forced.

Work spaces.

Creative spaces.

Relational spaces.

Aspiring spaces.

Even as I tap tap tap these white keys, this little box haunts the unknown of words weaved, as I force my agenda. Creativity waiting for the magic moments.

Relationships, too, can move into spaces that ache the unknown. Pressured by expectations.

Yours. Theirs.

Love due and time running low.

Environments in which goals are to be achieved can feel overwhelming. Pressed hard and difficult.

Certain things in life can feel strained and unnatural when our hearts lack genuine desire.

I often find, for me, it's not a desire I lack but drive.

I get lazy.

I don't want to script out words here.

I don't want to have that conversation {again}.

I don't want to create or work at it.

This unlimited realm in which all things occur, has me confused most days.

Space is expanse, so why the resistance? Why do we feel confined?

Could it be because forced spaces are more intimate? Closely personal?

They hold something near to the heart.

Matters close to the heart, require discipline. Persistance.

Creating is a battlefield.

Inspiration is not always spontaneous. Definitely not effortless.

Establishing spaces with a goal in mind takes hard work and you've got to fight for it.

In relationships. In creative outlets. In life.

I feel like I'm cheating when I don't give what I know I've got.

Resistance is directly proportional to love. If you're feeling massive Resistance, the good news is, it means there's tremendous love there too. If you didn't love the project that is terrifying you, you wouldn't feel anything. The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference.

The more Resistance you experience, the more important your manifested art/project/enterprise is to you - and the more gratification you will feel when you finally do it. ~Steven Pressfield

What about you?

Do you have spaces that feel forced?

A time for Pause...

2011-08-30T00:01:00.002-06:00

Summer is escaping and time seems to run short these days.

School starts tomorrow.

And I wonder where the months that bring heat fleeted off to, because they certainly didn't make a home here in this land. Warm days were few.

We all waited for it, but they didn't come, not for long. Rising temperatures drifted quickly and we see signs of autumn all around us. Leaves rustling yellow. Morning air crisp, fragrant with Fall.

She stood there, hopeful, looking at the family calendar with a pencil in hand.

"Mama, can we have a sleep-over? Just you and me?"

I see the wish twinkle in her eye, and wonder how this Mother could say no to the gift of time she wants to give me. The time that does not seem to give pause to the growing up of our children.

Here she is, littlest beauty, wanting to create that pause, for us.

My first inclination is to say "No, not tonight." But before a word rolls off my tongue, I too ache for this and say "I'd love that, baby girl. Mark it in."

With a grin split wide in happiness she sketches SLEEP OVER WITH MOM in the 2"x 2" square.

It was two nights ago, that we snuggled deep under quilts. Fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle, an exact fit. It was late. Past midnight when prayers were whispered before dozing into dreams. Her and I often lay together in the early mornings when she crawls into bed and we set plans for the day, but this drifting into slumber was different. Precious.

"Mama?"

"Yes?" I say quietly as I breathe in the scent of her hair.

"Thank you, for this..." her words trail off into a heavy sigh of gratitude.

I wrap my arms tighter and squeeze the love fresh, scented in thanks.

Warmth resonated.

Time paused.

And I too, gave praise for this.

God, the giver of gifts, paused time... but for a second.

Summer warmth came after midnight, under sheets, between prayers and Eskimo kisses.

A time for Creating Change...

2011-08-29T00:01:00.001-06:00

Writing has not been easy lately. It actually rarely is.

But these past couple weeks have been harder then usual.

I've opened up this new post box, 46 times, just to close it again. Empty.

My mind and heart have been pre-occupied with dreams, risk, and hope... none of which seem to formulate into words for here.

I've sat for hours and stared at blank white rectangles ready for type. Nothing.

My mind and heart have been pre-occupied with a deep desire for change and newness as I've been getting my little beauties ready for a new year of school, and preparing myself to speak at a Woman's retreat later this month.

I've ordered more books to stack into the piles still waiting to read. In hopes that change will bring time, and I will work my way through them. Faster then I have been.

I have torn out pages of new inspiring recipes, waiting to excite my taste buds with fresh flavours.

I've been thinking of risk and living too comfortably. Wondering if my lifestyle has put me in a coma, waiting for life to happen, instead of grabbing hold of daily opportunities to make it incredibly valuable in the little moments. Asking myself, what do I need to loose in order to open up space for gain.

Because I have prayers to whisper, books to read, recipes to cook, hands to hold, friends to visit, relationships to mend, art to create, and a gospel to encompass it all.

It's rippling under my skin.

Change.

A time for Cutting the Strings...

2011-08-24T00:01:00.009-06:00

Our Heavenly Father is so unconditional in His love for us, that He attaches no strings. None.

Let that sink in...

Because we on the other hand, are so conditioned to attach something.

We play love like a marionette.

We base love on actions and reactions.

But God is God. And He is good.

Nothing we do or don't do adds to His devotion.

Can you grasp that, today?

Your moral behaviour adds nothing, and your immoral behaviour takes nothing away.

Your love and affection for God adds nothing to His love and affection for you, and your lack of it takes nothing away.

His love is unconditional. No strings attached.

It's time we cut off the lies in our lives. The ones that bind up truth.

We hear them being whispered, sneaky and quiet...

"God can't love you, you're a failure"

"God can't love you, you're an addict"

"God can't love you, you have nothing to offer"

But the truth is your worth is not based on your abilities to produce anything.

There is nothing we can do to earn the love of God. It simply is.

Let the grace of God wrap itself around you, today.

Grace cuts the strings.

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

(1 John 4:10)

Written for

Stonecroft Ministries on their blog

A time to Extend Grace...

2011-08-22T00:01:00.007-06:00

{photo credit}

There are a few things in this life that can get my blood boiling.

But there is one, in particular, that makes me cringe something fierce and bite my tongue.

When I witness a lack of grace.

Especially from those who are great recipients of it.

What gives us the right to receive it and not extend it?

Grace is something that can not be held back or harnessed in. It's not ours to treat as we will and hand out in doses we think are applicable.

No!
Grace is scandalous.

It's not ours to treat as a slave or rule-over as a judge.

Grace is what we breathe, Grace is in His hands, Grace is His heart.

Grace will teach us more then anything else ever could.

When I see the finger-pointing. The judgements. The second-hand witnesses making assumptions, as though they are first-hand accounts. The disguised hatred in calls of repentance.

I want to scream. I want to shout-back and ask... "Where is the love in this? Where is the grace? Why do we doubt that the same kindness which led us to repentance won't lead others to repentance?"

It's His character. His heart.

In those moments of feeling my temperature rise under the surface, my fury wanting to be outraged with those who lack such grace, I too remember "we must be gracious to the grace killers" (as Matt Chandler once put it).

*sigh*

Grace to the down-and-out? No problem.

Grace to those who know they need it? Absolutely.

Grace to those who keep messing up? Yep.

Grace to the sinners? Of course.

But grace to those who like to expose the wrongs of others to further their own cause? Grace to the self-righteous, judgemental, I'm-better-then-you types?

Grace for those that kill it?

*sigh*

Whoa, this one does not come easy. But the reality is, if we don't give grace to those who lack it, we do too. If we don't give grace to those who hoard it, we are doing the very same thing. If we don't give grace to those who refuse to extend it, then we become them. We too, become people who harness it in, choke it cold, and kill it.

Let us be people of grace. Always.

Father God, I repent of all those times I treated grace as something to be mastered. I thank you that your spoken affections over me are grace. That your heart and will for me, are grace. And that by your power, I can be an extender of such love to others, that they may see you. Allow me to be a radical giver of grace, just as you are. May it be the way I live!

A time for All Things New...

2011-08-18T23:35:00.001-06:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... NEW

Only one thing comes to mind.

A promise. A hope.

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." (Revelation 21:5)

And so I write it down. Here.

All things new.

You, LORD Jesus...

Make...

ALL. THINGS. NEW.

You fill us with expectation, for something new.

Your love poured out, mangled on that tree, covering our ugliness you endured the horror.

To make all things new. Things like me.

And I am overwhelmed by your grace...

Tears washing feet.

Now that we're no longer shackled to that domineering mate of sin, and out from under all those oppressive regulations and fine print, we're free to live a new life in the freedom of God. (Romans 7:4b)

Only you, LORD, would go to those unfathomable lengths to bring freedom and newness to us sin-stained mockers. Transforming us into all that is beauty through you. Bearing that rugged cross and our shame, you create newness to spring up in the most unlikely places.

Behold, you make all things new.

A time to Know one Another...

2011-08-18T00:01:00.000-06:00

What I'd like to do today, is sit across from you over a steaming cup of coffee and listen to all the stories you have. The good, the bad, the ugly. I'd like to hear it from you. First hand.

Intentional up-close moments.

Sometimes, I just wish I could be me {with you} without this blog. I wish we could get to know one another in REAL life. In the cleaning of dishes after a beautiful meal and the significant chatter over the sink. In taking a morning walk at sunrise and sharing dreams that come after long nights. In gathering with our families and listening to the squabbles & giggles between our children. The tossing of words and encouragement between us.

I'd like to sit beside you in your living room with our feet up. I'd like to hear your perspective on multiple subjects and I'd ask you question upon question. I'd want to know about the days you thought you wouldn't make it through, or those particular times you didn't want to see end. I'd like to re-live your life through your stories and see the world through your eyes.

I'd want to share with you the lessons I've learned through heartache and celebration. Through the years of healing and restructuring of my heart. I'd want you to know that I'm not the same woman I was 10 years ago, 3 years ago, or even last month. I'm simply growing and learning, everyday. And I'd like to live out this life with you.

For some of us, that is possible. For others, it is not.

Here's the thing, I want you to know me and I'd love to know you. But circumstances can get in the way of that. You might live in New Zealand or Arizona, while I'm over here in Canada.

So, I'm willing to brew my coffee and sit here awhile.

I want you to know that I'm just as normal as you are. That I have flawed mothering skills and get upset over crumbs and cups left in bedrooms, but I love my girls with every fiber of my being. I want you to know that my marriage hasn't always been bliss or fairytale. And what we do have has come with a cost through struggle and storm, but I wouldn't change a single thing of what we've been able to take away. There are always lessons to be learned in every situation. I want you to know that I am guilty of bingeing on chocolate and sugar to find comfort when I know who my Comforter is. And that I have questions God has left unanswered and prayers that I can barely muscle out. There are days I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and days I'm simply overwhelmed.

Life is meant to be shared. So, pull up your chair, sit with me, and let's get to know one another...

Tell me something! Anything!

A time to De-clutter...

2011-08-16T00:01:00.001-06:00

I spent nearly six hours yesterday de-cluttering my house.

Now you might assume that my home is unorganized if I can spend that many hours cleaning it, but the truth is, it's not. Most of the time I am on top of these things. Everything has a place here and if it doesn't it will soon find it's way to the garbage or recycling.

I find life easier to breath-in when my home doesn't feel like a tornado has made it's way through. For the most part, I flourish in order and organization. Mostly because I spend my days here and it's easier to enjoy the unexpected when my to-do list isn't bursting at the seams.

Over time, however, drawers can become a catch-all for hair-tie's, household papers, take out menu's, office supplies, and other I'll-just-stick-you-here-in-the-mean-time loose ends. It's my laziness in those moments that finally mount themselves full. And when left long enough it can take a girl nearly six hours to work her way through all the bathroom cabinets, closet shelves, and kitchen drawers.

My home simply needed to be refreshed. De-cluttered. Renewed.

And there is something so rejuvenating about getting down to work and finally tackling those pesky places that layer the mess.

If I'm honest, sometimes I feel like the it-looks-good-from-the-outside drawer, when inside I'm cluttered with stuff. Some of it is junk that just needs to be thrown in the trash.

But when it comes to matters of the heart, I can't just "clean it out" like I do my home. That would be too easy.

When it comes to the human heart we don't have the luxury to reinvent it every time it needs a face lift or make-over.

But I can certainly surrender my heart over to the One who created it, knowing that He has the power to de-clutter and renew it anytime He chooses. Because ultimately I want the heart of me to be what's important, no matter what the outside may convey.

A time for Real Beauty...

2011-08-11T23:50:00.006-06:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... BEAUTY

Beauty has brought much struggle as I have chased the world's view.

I had to learn that beautiful doesn't equal Beauty.

For much too long I settled there, behind the veneer.

Tormented by the expectations. Ones that I could never measure up to.

I battled, fought, and wrestled.

Until.. ashes.

Beauty is in the ash.

It's the living raw, authentic, vulnerable life.

Beauty is the sacred moment when someone opens up to you, and it's treated with reverence. Gift. Knowing that they will never forget our reaction.

Let it be grace.

Beauty is running our fingers over the rough edges of our scars and not feeling anything but pure redemption. Refined by fire.

Beauty is unmasking our weakness because they highlight God's strength.

People long for Beauty but are often drawn to beautiful.
Beauty is going beyond the exterior.

Beauty is loving the truth.

Beauty is Christ.

So go ahead, live out the beautiful things that point to beauty.

Live in light of Him who made you, the One forming you into who you are to be.... BEAUTY!

To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

(Isaiah 61:3)

A time for Detox...

2011-08-10T13:11:00.005-06:00

I let tears slip toward my salmon as I sat at the table for lunch.

It was only 5 short years ago when my life seemed simpler. Less hectic.

No cell phone.

No texting.

No social media.

No blogging.

No facebook.

No twitter.

No time suckers.

Life had a sense of purity in the simplicity of spending days playing puzzles with my girls, going for walks and picnics to the park, baking cookies in the afternoon, and relaxing during naptime with a great book. My one indulgence during those toddler years was watching an episode of Ellen in the afternoon. But now, there are so many distractions. So many tasks, connections, and arenas that beckon our time.

There are days I want to detox. Cleanse my hours from unnecessary interferences.

All these distractions in my life and the avenues I travel lead me to avoid what my heart truly desires to do. Which is to engage the here and now.

The present. The tangible.

If there is one thing that keeps pressing my soul, it's the spotlight on my "time wasters". And for some reason I have a hard time letting them go. Honestly, I'm afraid that I'll miss out on something if I do. But what could possible be more important then living active with those around you. Building relationship with those you can touch.

Truth is, I believe deeply in social media and the authenticity that can be lived out in those relationships. But sometimes, social media can suck you dry as it piles up along with all the other daily responsibilities. So much so, the exhaustion will leak tears onto your plate and fall next to your open-faced sandwich.

No one is asking me to commit myself to these online interactions, but if you are to look around our current culture, it is saturate with such connections. It is hard to completely avoid them. So where is the balance? Because there are days I want to run far away from all the added pressures they can bring.

What about you?

Do you ever feel it's all a little too much?

How do you deal with Social media in your life?

A time to Embrace our Weakness...

2011-08-08T00:01:00.002-06:00

{photo credit}

I'm learning that another facet of true freedom comes by us living life weak.

As we are. Imperfect.

We often try to avoid struggles, difficulty, or showing others our deficiency.

Afraid of the pain it may bring, we allow fears to rule our actions. Scared of looking a fool because of failure.

But if we grow the most in our darkest moments, then what are we accomplishing by avoidance? Why are we rebuking struggle when growth comes through pain?

The majority of revelation I've gained in life has come through weathering the storms, wresting out the struggles, and finding myself not on my knees but on my face. Startling wisdom through the aching agony of being ripped apart by Holy hands. Searing pain through the exposed heart. Flat out weak. Desperate for wholeness in the One who is whole.

With a 20km mountain race to run this past weekend, I knew the terrain would be a challenge. As well as the natural elements of wind and rain and possibly snow. But more then that, I had been nursing two sore and worn-out ankles, plus a gimped knee for nearly two weeks. My body was not in it's usual condition for this race and I was afraid of the outcome.

In part because I was exposing myself to the very challenges that cause growth: hurt, pain, disappointment, and frustration. But with that, I was also exposing myself to hope, encouragement, and triumph over the obstacle.

Knowing it is the perseverance of God that gets me through all circumstances, I was willing to run weak. To give this rugged course all I had, believing God was the one propelling me through.

Which He did.

It just goes to show, that our progress doesn't usually come without a little pain or misery. In actuality they go hand in hand. And sometimes that pain is us having to face our depravity and deep weaknesses of the heart.

Life is no sprint. It's no 20km jaunt up and down a mountain either. It's tougher and more challenging then any other race, but we can have confidence in God that He is the one in control of our conditioning. He is the one prepping, training, and equipping us into who He wants us to be, despite our weakness.

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

(Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG)

A time for Wholeness...

2011-08-04T00:01:00.000-06:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... WHOLE

When the winds of change blow, I think about the future and I do one of two things... I dream in wonder or shake in fear.

For I do not know my WHOLE story. But I do serve the one who does.

The wholly Divine.

The wholly Sovereign.

Holy God.

Who is wholeness to me.

As I ponder the unknown, I can marinate in the truth that nothing is that for Him.

Nothing is unknown or uncertain.

All is in it's entirety. Complete. Known.

As it should be, living out as it will.

The life God has planned for me is WHOLE. Complete. Finished.

And although I don't know the things to come, He does.

So I can dream in wonder and shake less in fear as I remember who keeps me undivided.

I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. -Isaiah 58:11-12

A time for Questioning...

2011-08-03T00:01:00.004-06:00

(click to listen)

If I'm to be honest, I wonder how a life so FULL can seem so EMPTY some days.

There are certain thoughts I can't seem to formulate into words.
They tend to come out as questions. One after another.
They beckon my attention to seek further, deeper, and gain what I obviously do not have.

The answers.

Leaving me confused and in wonder, I return to them.
Arms raised and eyes lifted to heaven, with a shrug of surrender, I sigh... "I don't get it. I just don't."

How can a woman who walks with God, has a committed faithful spouse, beautiful healthy children, and arm loads of friends feel alone? How can her days feel lonesome and empty with the many gifts that pour out around her?
How is this possible? What component is missing?
How can a woman who seems to have everything, feel like nothing? How can her thoughts be encouraging for others and discouraging to herself?

Emptiness has a voice.
And there are days I find it hard to breathe.

The process does not end. The peeling away.

Sanctification. From glory to glory.
God continues to reveal that no matter what fills the life, He is ultimate.
He is the true satisfaction for our unsatisfied hearts.

And when I try to fill the void with anything less, it returns.

Even among the multiple blessings, He empties me of me.
Minimizing the attachments, so I'll attach to Him.

I know that it's for my own good.
But there are days, lonely ones, where I simply say "I don't understand."
And that's okay.
Because I believe the Purposeful ONE has purpose, even in this.

So when the questions out-number the logical answers I hope for, I trust.
Until my wrestling, rests... In Him.

Do you ever have days when life feels empty although it is sufficient?

A time for New Shoes...

2011-08-01T00:01:00.001-06:00

I slip back into it like a familiar pair of shoes. Stretched in and imprinted.

The familiar ways I use to do things.

Busy schedule. Full calendar.

Too much in too little.

Everything piles and I keep doing. Running myself ragged. Exhausted.

I can barely keep up... and for what?

Why do I fall back into these old habits?

Why do I bind myself to these chains?

My "superwoman shoes"!

When life nags and I answer as a slave, I loose my freedom. The freedom He died for.
I let "stuff" determine my identity in these chaotic times and run back to the bondage of familiarity. I begin to operate out of expectation and I find myself lost once again. Battling. Whispering prayers of "LORD, forgive me."

Because no matter how much I try or how much I do, I'll never be enough.

I'll never be able to accomplish all of it. Not on my own, anyhow.

But I surely try. And that right there, is the "trap".

The trap in which I believe I can accomplish all these persistant tasks on my own.

Truth is, I fall desperately short. Often. As a Wife and a Mother and a Friend.

We all do.

Fall short, that is.

What we need is for someone to fill in the empty spaces. The gaps that yearn within our heart crevices for someone to replace all our shortcomings. The gorges that ache for a substitute. A replacement.

Because even when we do feel like we've got it all together, we still aren't enough.

We are in a constant need for rescue. A wardrobe change.

For old habits are easy to slip into. Our natural defaults.

I am beyond thankful that I do not need to be anyone outside of my identity in Christ. And when I forget that, He gently reminds me as He removes my old "shoes" and fashions me in Him.

But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. (Ephesians 4:21-23)

A time to Still...

2011-07-28T22:50:00.003-06:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... STILL

Still.

*sigh*

This is something that doesn't come easily to me although my spirit hungers for it everyday. An ever-present pang in my heart that cries out to be still and simply relish in the commonly-exquisite. To capture the lovely in each moment.

When life bustles on and the hush of sounds murmur.
Be still.
When life calls wild and the tasks overwhelm.
Be still.
When life dances two beats faster and times swirl dizzy.
Be still.
When life relaxes softly and breath evens out the wrinkles.
Be still.

Knowing that in each of these times, my stillness gives capture to take it all in. To catch a glimpse of His glory in the world and works He has prepared for me.

Today, I choose... to be still... to know you!

"Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10a)

A time for Child-like Faith...

2011-07-27T09:00:00.005-06:00

(Originally posted Feb.2010)
"I don't ever want to live in an Orphanage, Mama"
The most random thoughts escape the lips of my littlest beauty. Her imagination runs wild like river rapids.

"Why would you have to live in an Orphanage?" I question her.

"If you couldn't take care of me, wouldn't you bring me there?... Like, if you couldn't feed me?"

"Baby Girl, I would give up all I have to take care of you and feed you." I'm trying to give reason that her young age will understand.

"But, what if you had nothing, Mama. Then what?"
I can tell she needs to explore all the odds. Exhaust all the circumstances.

"I would still want you near me, no matter what. Besides, Baby Girl... even if we had nothing, we would always have Jesus."

My last statement ignited a grin on her tender face, from ear to ear, and broke the worry. The brightness of her smile lit up my heart.

"That's right, Mama! Did you know that Jesus calls himself 'The Bread of Life'? So, we wouldn't ever be hungry. He would take care of us and feed us, wouldn't He?"

The tears well in my eyes, and I smile at this beloved girl of mine. Precious and Delicate.
"Yes, yes He would."

"I knew it." she exclaims as she bounces off into the day.

Out of the mouth of babes, comes truth.
Simple foundational truths, we can learn from a child.

Jesus tells us "Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:4)

"I am the bread of life. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh." (John 6:48,51)

Oh, Precious Friends... I thank God for you today!
I pray that we will all exhibit this child-like faith and believe in the One who will feed our spirits "real" bread. I pray that our relationship with Jesus will be deep, and wide, and all-consuming. May we truly know what it means to come to Him and feast.

Also posted for Stonecroft Ministries Blog

A time to Remember...

2011-07-25T00:01:00.001-06:00

On Friday, I pulled up to the bright yellow bus that was waiting in the parking lot. My girls jittery with nervous excitement for bible camp. Anticipating their days to be full of summer time enthusiasm they were heading out for a 5 night stay in cabins filled with friends.

There are certain things that bring me to tears.

One of them being how quickly my girls are growing up. Sometimes, I'd rather not think about it. Be left in the dark, not knowing when the last time for something will occur, because lasts tell us that time is moving and changing.

Lasts tell us that the world isn't stopping for us to appreciate each moment but that we consciously need to take note. Highlight. Regard.

Lasts often take place without us even realizing it. For instance, I can't recall the last time my daughters pudgy limbs slid into a baby swing at the park. I don't remember the last day they stopped using a sippy cup or I stopped feeding them with my hands. I don't really think about the day I won't be able to pick up my eight-year old and cradle her to her bedroom for the night, because I know it has already happened with my ten-year old.

I mourn the missing out. When was it? On which day did I last carry her?

Lasts will simply pass us by and we recall it after the fact, when the moment is gone.

I wasn't going to let it happen on this day. I was ready to dog-ear this page in our story.

Except... this was a first.

I was releasing both of them.

As they climbed up the rubber steps and took their seats, I waved at their smiling faces and my eyes started to water. I tried to hide it from them as I watched them bounce their bottoms on the seats, raring to go. As the bus pulled out I stood present, soaking it in.

My last summer of having at least one of them at home had past me by.

Time keeps moving.

But this first, I will remember.

It is often the first times we take notice of, and I wanted to press this one hard into my heart as a keepsake. So that the times I miss will not be outnumbered by the times I hold dear.

Have you experienced some recent changes? Firsts? Lasts?

A time to Push on Through...

2011-07-22T00:01:00.003-06:00

Last night we returned home after two grueling days of climbing high into the altitudes. My husband and I hiked mountain peeks and unplugged from civilization. Finding connection through the simplicity of journeying together, a retreat away from the busyness of life.

We pushed through the mud bogs, the pouring rain, the boulders, the slippery shale, the hail storm, the bitter wind, and the endless ascension.

We pushed through. Miles upon miles.

WE. Together.

It is hard for me to imagine the battles of climbing alone. Facing the trials that one may endure. My nerves pulse at the fear of encountering a grizzly or some other dangerous animal. Or the fear of heights on unstable ground. When the edge is right there, close and unsecured, I can hardly breathe and I begin to sweat. My palms get clammy, my chest tight, and I want to stop, not because of exertion but because of panic.

But something happens when you challenge yourself to go beyond your comfort. To trust.

To place your life at the mercy of the One who created all which encompasses. To trust. In the abilities God has put within you and those He has placed around you.

He encourages the weary.

Gives endurance to the weak.

Brings calm to the frenzied.

The mountains stretched my limits but God used it to strengthened my heart.
To show me that we are over-comers, by His grace. And that we can push through it all.

No matter what elements life throws your way... there is no battle you are fighting alone.

He is always there. Equipping you to persevere.

In faith, to push on through.

A time to Hike the Dream...

2011-07-20T00:01:00.012-06:00

Yesterday, I watched you gather gear and place it in order of importance along the kitchen counter. Your excitement could hardly be contained and I smiled at you from my office. I watched you busy around, bringing together equipment to equip us. Young boy dreams from when we first met and the masculine protection you now possess, mix together as a husbands concoction. You didn't even notice me watching you, as I thought about all you are to me.

Today you turn 35 and this is a first for us.

Celebrating together where you feel most at home and closest to God.

Backpacking in the mountains.

Your life has spoken of this dream. Us, in amongst wild adventure.

But we are just that, aren't we? Even without the mountains, celebration, and my trembling fear of bears.

16 years of your 35, we've been in this.

Wild adventure, on the battlefield for love.

In all of our hard times you believed in what could be. That we could make it through. You looked straight into my insecurities and saw so much more. You give me a safe-shelter from the storms, a place of genuine acceptance. You are a soldier who is brave enough to take up the sword, and speaks God's holy words as prayer over me. You wash me with the word.

As I've chipped away, you've built up.

As I've disengaged, you've pressed in.

As I've given up, you've defended.

You are a fighter for misplaced things in us.

You seize each day with sacrificial love and humility.

Moving past entitlement, you think of me first.

Even yesterday, when you gathered belongings for our mountain memories, you told me the importance of protecting me above all. I see how your love is intentional and full of purpose. And how God has graced me with a man who knows the width, depth, and breadth of unconditional.

For you have always thought the best of me, when you've known me at my worst.

I am honoured to be trekking the miles upon miles with you today as we celebrating your turning. You have taught me that all our dreams are worth the hike. No mountain is to high.

Wishing you a Happy Birthday, Wes...

I love you!

A time to Know when it's Time...

2011-07-18T00:01:00.005-06:00

Photo Credit

Some days put me in a daze.

With "my plate" piled high, I can become utterly exhausted. Tired and worn out. Trying to accomplish as much as I can, by cramming all that will fit into each and everyday.

When it's time, I know.

I hear it in my voice, the way it easily snaps or sighs heavy with the weight of my little world. Going through my days in a whirl-wind, just waiting for the hour to finally put up my feet and breathe.

When it's time, I know.

I get irritated by all the noise, how it wears me thin and grinds the temples. The way the laundry heaps, the dishes mount, and the dust settles endlessly. The way the hours in a day flash by and I have taken none of them, not even 5 minutes, to lay my burdens down.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

(Matthew 11:29,30)

If Jesus tells us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, then why is it that ours often feels overwhelming and heavy? And why are we not finding rest for our weary souls?

What is it that we are carrying around or holding on to that should be given to Him?

Answer: Everything!

All.

Of.

It.

When it's time, I know.

I ask Him to forgive me, once again. I ask for Him to reset my mindset. To give me the grace to give grace. To help me lay my burdens down and embrace His gifts. To enable me to release the grip from the daily callings of life and extend my hand for His.

When it's time, I know.

To handover my load and reach for Him.

To lay it all down and rest in His strength.

It's in those moments of exhaustion, I know. He opens the eyes to see, again. That I can not do this alone. And so, I do battle with the word. Cursing the sin of pride that wants to rise. Pride that tells me I can do all of these things. When, I can't. Not alone, anyhow.

But I can do all things through Christ.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God."

(Mark 10:27)

God wants to be so intimately connected to our everyday. From the littlest detail to the most grandiose adventure. From the first morning step to the last evening flop-on-the-pillow. God wants us to commune, rely, and rest in Him. To share our days {& daze}.

When it's time to exchange yokes, do you know?

A time to Lose...

2011-07-14T23:00:00.007-06:00

I'm linking up with LisaJo today and writing for 5 minutes.

That's it! 5 Minutes!

The rule is what you write in those minutes is what you post.

No editing. Tweaking. Or Self-critiquing.

Ready? GO...

Her Prompt... Loss!

When I think of loss, I don't think of death.

Maybe that is because I haven't experienced the loss of a close loved-one in such a way.

I don't know what the first night feels like after loosing a Mother or Father, Husband, Child or Sibling.

I've been blessed in this way, I guess.

But I sometimes wonder if it will hit me like a freight train. The reality of it.

That day, when one of those I hold dear will leave this earth and pass into eternity. And will I have the strength to carry on?

My greatest loss in life, has been my life. Letting go of all that God has asked me to lay at His feet.

Releasing the grip of my "self".

My self-ishness.

My self-centeredness.

My self-reliance.

Truth be told, there are moments I grieve the loss of my former identity. The moments when "self" wants to rise and rule. But... the gain, oh the gain of grace and freedom is worth it. I shall loose myself, daily for the sake of Him.

It's He who gives this life... LIFE!

And when that day comes, the day death knocks at may door, I know without a doubt it will be His strength that gets me through.

Then Jesus told his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? (Matthew 16:24-25)

A time to Reminisce...

2011-07-13T00:01:00.016-06:00

This is one of my favourite weeks of summer.

My mornings spent with over 250 children as we proclaim God's love and truth. Activities filled with squeals and screams. Worship and praise. Little voices become fragrant offerings, as a row of parents sneak a quick peek from the back.

She's standing next to me with her arms tucked behind her back, when she tells me "It's the first year I've left all three."

She points out her own anxiety.

It is in that moment that I see how connected we are.

Us, as Mothers.

Bound with the same tender love for our offspring.

How it aches the heart to let go when they grow, and we start to feel their independence.

The seams of a Mother rip wide open with love. And sometimes, the stomach turns with worry.

When God gives the gift of child, every fiber of a Mother's being will be forever changed. Emotions rise over these little ones, and more tears will fall off our cheeks on behalf of them.

"I remember my first time too." I tell her, thinking back to the memory. Only a few short years prior. The feelings of nervousness in the unknown.

It is these "firsts" that every Mother goes through.

The "firsts" that we sometimes forget. It blessed me to reminisce.

To witness love from her vantage point.

So much of parenting is outside of our control, even outside of our understanding.

And I wonder why, at some point, we all have to let go?

And why a natural process of mothering, is grief?

Our need to mourn the short years we have to hold them close.

Through all stages, God is teaching me that there is much uncertainty in parenting and mothering is truly a walk of faith.

So in those times when I need to release my hand and let my daughter's go, God never does... He has the greatest vantage point of all.

A time to Expand and Search...

2011-07-11T00:01:00.003-06:00

It's hard to trust people with the expanse of who you are.

The depths and layers of fear, doubt, and failures.

We often feel safety in distance, and keep people at arms-length to avoid any back-fire.

Suppressed and afraid to walk in the fullness of who we are because there is a chance for misunderstanding. Judgement. Within the walls of our being we keep the secrets, the sacred, the flawed. And it can all be misunderstood.

When I keep myself isolated, from those who want to receive me as I am, I let fear rule. I panic. I build up walls and create self-protection boundaries. I keep people at a distance to avoid any destruction from potential betrayal. It is fear that is stunting me.

Setting healthy boundaries is important but shutting out those who want to love you, isn't.

It causes more damage to your soul then one can image.

We all want to be heard, understood, and known.

But when we share pieces within those sacred places, we are taking a chance. We can choose to use the most articulate words, soft tones, and gentle actions we know how, however, our listener will receive it through their own personal filter. All of their own personal history, pain, baggage, bitterness, and life experiences will serve as the lens through which they will see, hear, and receive you.

What started as something from you, will finish as something from them.

It can become drastically altered in the process of transferring from one to another.

Radically different from the original intent.

We all misunderstand sometimes. We all get lost in translation.

When it happens to you, don't be discouraged. Take a moment, ask yourself, or better yet ask the person you are sharing with "Is this what you meant?...." Keep working at reaching the core. Extend love. Search the depths and layers, find the beauty within the garble.

Trust that those who love you, will want to discover the expanse of who you are.

Fear not.

A time to Let the Baggage Go..

2011-07-08T00:01:00.001-06:00

Unresolved issues can hide for years, until that unexpected day when they resurface.

A prompting perhaps, that now is the time to find release.

I have recently undergone deep healing from circumstances which I tried to burry for years.

It took time, but I learned you don't have to be afraid to go back to those places.

Trust God in what He is doing.

Although the pain can be quite deep, it isn't meant to kill you but to kill that which is trying to destroy you. We all carry our baggage.

Our struggles.

Our fears.

Our hurts.

But daily we can let it all go. Release it and run forward into the arms of grace.

Be free.

This is your chance to separate your identity from that which weighs you down, and no longer be controlled by it. Run, sweet one... Run to the ONE.

Are you ready to leave your suitcases behind?

Have a listen to this song, I hope the lyrics bless you as much as they have blessed me

{I'd love to know what you think}... Dara Maclean SUITCASES

A time to List the Reasons...

2011-07-06T00:01:00.009-06:00

It is Sunday and I stand in the kitchen, evening sun casting a yellow glaze through the window.

"Mom, can I share something with you?" she's holding a piece of paper in her tiny hands.
"Sure you can!" I swoop up my littest one and place her on the counter so I can look directly into her eyes. They remind me of black pearls.

She clears her throat. "I made a list of reasons why I kinda like myself and I'd like to read it to you. Are you ready?"

Of course I was ready. I was intrigued as well.

I have struggled my entire life believing piles of lies about myself and who I had to be in order to be accepted. I never felt good enough, so I strived for perfection. Chained to a theory that I needed to hide my not-so-pretty pieces. Never go beyond the exterior, remain superficial.

I covered up who I was while the deceiving statements scoffed to make a mockery out of me. I was trying so hard not to be me that I began to hate myself for that too. Living a facade.

Trapped in the belief that this is what the world around me wanted... counterfeit perfection and phony veneers to keep us comfortable in a surface society.

Look good. Act good. And you'll be accepted.

The sad thing is, I was. Accepted. Plastic masks blend well.

It is an amazing gift to see your daughter light up in her freedom to be true to herself. Imperfections and all. Giggling happy because God loves her despite it and through it.

I rejoice in her glee, that we are a home that is learning to live vulnerable. A home that believes in making mistakes and learning from them. A home that believes in saying "we're sorry". A home that believes in radical grace and pursuit for truth.

As people, we are usually so scared to confess who we are, where we've been, or even where we are right now in this very moment. Ashamed and afraid. Worried about what others would really think of us, if they really knew the truth.

We take big risks in living open. To bare our hearts.

My little one's list is made up of only 9 reasons. I could have easily added thousands more.

I listen to her high-pitched seven year-old voice recite each one. Her eyes focusing on mine in between each number, each pause. Sparkling with sincerity she looks at me, I wink. She is being forthright about who she is by revealing BOTH her strengths and weaknesses, and I am humbled by it.

My prayer is that my life pours out this same openness that lives in her and that she will not loose this gift to live authentically.

When you know your identity in Christ, there is no need for shame. No need for pretending. No need to fake it. We can share with confidence, all of who we are, and come out from hiding behind the lies.

As a Mother I try my best to breath understanding and reason, as to why all my imperfections and sin no longer weighs me down but points to a greater love. To shine a spotlight on Jesus and show how His expansive grace covers me. Always.

I'm free to live honest and confident in all Jesus has done... understanding that I'm not a perfect girl, my hair doesn't always stay in place, and some times I have a broken heart. But inside I know I'm a princess, just like her.

Jesus measured up for us so we wouldn't have to live under the pressure of measuring up for others. ~Tullian Tchividjian

A time for Story Transitions...

2011-07-04T05:00:00.003-06:00

(press play to listen)

We are all on a journey.

Living script in years of story, written just for us.

Our own experiences in this life mixed with dispositions that are totally unique to our wiring, environment, and inherited genetics.

Every molecule and breath in place because His hand and heart placed it there.

Life groaning and rejoicing in our God-filtered experiences.

Sometimes it takes those "we-never-saw-it-coming" life experiences to shake or shatter us. Blindsided out of our comfort to bring a pressing necessity for change.

A remodel to glorify His will. A restructure to humble us.

Growth comes from outside of our comfort zone. All. The. Time.

When you change. Relationships change.

When you change. People change towards you.

When you change. Interactions become uncomfortable in the uncertainty of newness.

I feel like everything in my life has changed over the course of the last couple years.

In light of radical revelation, everything is effected. It filters through and ripples out, pouring over into all our storybook pages.

Change comes regardless of our openness to it or not.

Whether you want to submit to it, or kick and scream your way through to the next chapter.

When God is ready to turn pages, we can't stop Him. He is the very author of the lyrical lines that weave your heartbeat to that 'catch of the breath. The one who says your eyes can see His beauty and your ears can hear His rebuke.

His ways are above our ways. He is the one who gives and takes away.

I'm realizing that change always comes with loss. The very things that are transitioning into something different, are loosing the coziness of complacency. Never to be the same.

There is always a loss with change. But if we wait a sentence or two, sometimes numerous pages, there is always a GAIN. Remove to replace.

God has His reasons for scripting in uncomfortable chapters.

He has His reasons for scripting in all that each chapters holds.

In His love for us, He pursues.

The fingerprints of God are on our hearts as He holds them, desiring to refine us into His likeness and bring about the change He wants us to be.

Handwriting His will through our life-journey.

I challenge you to surrender with me to the penmanship of God... in loss and gain. Through all kinds of change, the ink is on His hands.

What story is being written for you, lately? Does it involve change?

I'd love to hear about it.

A time for Soaking in Summer...

2011-06-30T09:00:00.002-06:00

It has been a couple days since school ended and we have welcomed our summer vacation with open arms. Every year I look forward to these lazier days. The privilege of greeting our mornings with unscheduled time. The slow linger into hours, if we so choose.

I lay under sheets, quiet, unhurried, soaking. Husband up before me, downstairs eating the word and sipping coffee. Our girls still snuggled in their bedrooms with cracks of sunlight peering through curtains.

There is a sense of unexplainable joy in these precious moments. When life isn't rushing wildly by and we can simply take it in. Engage all that is given.

Here in this home, summer is time for pause. For living outside of the planning and inside the adventure of anything-can-happen. Out-of-the-blue invites for bbq's, bumping into friends at the park, bike rides after bath times, roasted marshmallows at midnight, and lazy mornings of pajamas and peanut butter lips.

I thought I was a planner by nature. Organized and orderly. A part of me still is, but God has shown me a different side of myself, one I hadn't known was there... it came in the form of Freedom.

Freedom from the expectations I put on myself. Freedom from scheduling life to full-capacity. Freedom to move off course from what was written in that 1" x 1" box on my calendar.

I greatly enjoy the relaxing, go-with-the-flow, freedom of summer.

Freedom in life.

Days of splashing giddy in pools, sand stuck between toes, and watermelon drips from the chin.

It.

Is.

All.

Joy.

To bring out the basket load of play-dough and make rainbows, pink poodles, and rocket-ships with your children. To invite friends on picnics and days at the river. To lay next to your spouse, looking deep into their eyes until you fall asleep knowing you are loved.

It is all opportunity to engage and relish the moment... then to wake and do it all again tomorrow.

What do you love about summer days?

What are the unscheduled moments that bring joy to you?

A time for Switching Seats...

2011-06-29T06:00:00.019-06:00

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?” ~ Jesus (Mark 8:36 MSG)

I have run red lights, drove over curbs and slammed on my brakes too many times to count. I have driven beyond the speed limit, paid for tickets in which I was at fault, and rear-ended the innocent. I have missed a turn more times then I'd like to admit, gotten leg cramps on long trips, and found myself completely lost in unknown cities, all while behind the steering wheel of my vehicle.

As much as I enjoy driving, these instances would show that I'm not all that good at it.

As relaxing as driving can be, after sitting in one place for long periods of time, it can become exhausting. There does come a point where your body starts to tense up, things turn uncomfortable and you need to pull off to the side of the road for a break. A rest. A stretch.

You simply get tired.

In life, it is the same.

We need a driver who never grows weary or faint.

A driver who will always steer us in the direction we are to go.

The good news is that Jesus is already in the driver's seat and He wants to lead us.

But we are really good at white-knuckling the steering-wheel because there are so many things we want to see, places we want to go, and lands we want to explore, but for some reason we get stalled. At a stand still. As though something needs to be fixed.

In those times, it is easy for us to get frustrated or impatient, but God knows what He is doing.
We can trust Him.

He wants to consume us with the good news of grace and guide us through this life, no matter what the traveling conditions might be. He wants to fuel us.

Remembering who we are or where we've come from is one of the hardest things we do.

It often brings us back to places we thought we could leave behind for good.

God doesn't want us to drive in the opposite direction of discomfort or suffering. He tells us to embrace it.

Too often we try to control the truth.

But God already knows and He wants to bring us into a true freedom. God wants to release us from the heavy loads of luggage we travel with.

It can be hard to hand over the driver's seat and lay down control, to let someone show you a better way.

We fight through this life with many inadequacies and we frequently get hurt.

God wants to be in the driver's seat to lead you in love.

Knowing that because Jesus loved us, He died for us, and we can be forgiven... that clears any accusation about past destinations and cleans up the baggage.

When God guides, it is the road to freedom we travel. A road to true healing.

The world and all its self-help methods can not help us at our greatest need.

This expedition is not one we need to be afraid of but one we can joyfully celebrate.

Navigation belongs to our Sovereign God.

Jesus is calling the crowds to Himself, let us move on over and let Him drive...

Written for Stonecroft Ministries Canada

on their blog

A time for Challenging Fear...

2011-06-27T06:00:00.003-06:00

originally posted summer 2010

She is my hero.

Born with a freedom and desire to tackle all that life puts in her path. She doesn't have many limits and I love that about her. She has one specific trait however, that stands above the rest... she is willing to face fear. Look it straight in the eyes and have victory over it.

She will monkey bar across metal slats or swinging rings until she gets it. Faithful to accomplish. She loves whirling down slides that send her off with speed. To taste adrenaline. She climbs the tallest of play structures and rock formations just to say she did. She is one who loves the journey. The view from the top.

It was last July when she faced fear again. We were on holidays. Taking in the experience of heritage and carnival rides. Eating cinnamon buns for lunch and making memories on the road.

On this particular day we were at a vintage fair spinning silly on rides. We made our way to the line up for BIG swings, the ones that ascend you into clouds and twirl you to flight. When it was our turn I hoisted her up and strapped her in the light oak seat. When our gaze met, I saw her shaking. Afraid of the height and speed. The unknown. Her quivering of lips opened her eyes to tears. "I can't do it, Mama."

I lifted her out and carried her off the ride before they had begun. Her legs straddled my waist and her little arms hung tight. "I believe you can do this, baby girl."

I calmed her pulsing body with a gentle squeeze and whispered why we need not be afraid. I wiped her tears and continued to hug away the jitters.

We strolled along in our afternoon filled with other wild adventure. The Bumper Whip, The Carousel, The Caterpillar, The Ferris Wheel. We searched glass jars of old-fashioned candy and tried our luck at the win-this-giant-stuffed-bear booth. That's when I felt her grab my hand. "I'm ready now" she spoke over the crowd. We parted through people gathered in crooked lines and made our way to those antique swings.

I looked at her bravery and marvelled. Facing her fear she climb in, strapped down and clenching tight the chains that held her in. She kept her face forward and stiff. Eventually she looked at me, terror in her eyes. She wasn't doing this because she overcame her fear, she was facing it... head on. Scared and shaking with fright.

I sat next to her. Holding in my tears. Witnessing courage in your daughter is an honour.

A marvelous gift. My hero.

I often run away from the very things that make me afraid. I cower. Allowing fear to control me. Rarely squeezing a hand to say "I'm ready now". I shy from facing it head on. I walk away.

Giving it victory over me.

As the swing lifted elevating us into blue skys, I saw it didn't take long for her tension to release into the wind. "It feels like I'm flying, Mama."

"I know. Isn't it great? Close your eyes and really feel it."

With my own eyes softly closed to the view, all I could hear was pure glee coming from her chest.

When the ride ended, excitement erupted. Victory was hers. She did it.

"You know why I could ride that swing?" she asked me. "... because you said Jesus is always with me. You said that."

I know I said that.

I wanted to bring ease to her trembles. Peace in her time of distress.

I envy her faith.

Child-like faith.

Face-your-fear faith to feel-like-your-flying faith.

I can't help but wonder how much I've missed out on because I let unbelief rule.

How many opportunities God had placed before me to soar in the shelter of His wings, but instead I run intimidated by circumstances.

Afraid of falling. Not seeing the gift of flying. I hide. Squirm in defeat.

Through her I can see that fear is a place God makes himself known. When He has plans far beyond comprehension. Fear is often present when God wants to do something with you and in you. In the midst of reluctance and apprehensions, He is there.

Waiting to show you victory in Him.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

(Deuteronomy 31:8)

Christ gives me the strength to face anything. (Philippians 4:13)

Does fear ever hold you back?

A time for Traveling with Friends...

2011-06-24T05:30:00.009-06:00

It's going to be just the two of us, today. Until it becomes three.

Friend and I traveling to see a friend.

The road before us will stretch wide with welcome.

Driving from one corner of the province across to the other.

Bountiful fields. Mapping love.

Friendships do this... they make us travellers. Explorers.

They give us roads that lead to heart, and we search the depths of thread that knit them.

We are as pilgrims on unknown soil.

Friendships like a foreign land to us, become a land we dwell. Commune.

We can believe that God alone is our confidence, and know that living a life of love is always worth the exposure to understand the thread. His map of love intertwined into person.

I'm learning more and more that we can do this life together when we stretch ourselves wide like the roads ahead, in selfless grace.

And I'm looking forward to the loud laughter, the quiet thought, the music making through friends chatter. For the deeper knowing and the time we take for tasting and seeing that He is good.

Wish you all a wonderful weekend filled with

priceless friendships and the making

of memories that last

A time to Understand What we Have...

2011-06-23T05:00:00.003-06:00

This is why, daily, I lean into truth...

This is why I can count all circumstances {no matter what they are} as JOY!

AMEN!!!

A time to Dance...

2011-06-21T06:00:00.004-06:00

Life is sometimes lyrical. Beautiful, messy and intense.

A swaying of moments that move us to dance.

Life is like that and our hearts can grieve sad or burst joy in the process.

In a world full of people who watch intently our graces, our choices, our movements, we can become too self-aware, afraid of stumbling.

Looking a fool.

Loosing balance.

How can one dance when worried about what they'll look like?

In my concern of what others may think, God often whispers reminders...

"You're dancing for me! And I am with you. Always."

He partners me well. Carries me effortlessly along the floor of mercy.

He lifts my eyes to His and the crowd fades away. Opinions diminish in His presence.

God desires to lead us through the gate of freedom, into His vast arms of love.

To live. To dance. To twirl reckless for Jesus is beyond lovely to Him.

He made it possible for you to dance with all the courage He has given you.

He wants you to be free. To not worry about the crowds who make you feel as though you need their approval. Don't let them make you feel insecure and afraid of what they think of you. God knows his affections for you, save that for Him.

He gives us the steps and sometimes we fumble. Sometimes we fall.

We spin ourselves silly.

But He's there to hold us secure in Him and we gain pace in His time.

With two-left feet. A limp. Or no rhythm at all. It doesn't matter.

When Jesus is your partner... Just dance!

And He will lead!

Who are you dancing for today?

A time for Father's Day...

2011-06-19T05:30:00.004-06:00

The other day I noticed we have similar eyes, my Dad and I. And we use them to smile.

The way they shimmer and shine specks of yellow in sunlight. The way they dance when we're happy. How they crinkle at the outer edge and shape themselves into rainbows.

I've been "Daddy's Girl" for as long as I can remember.

Since the days of delivering milk in his dairy truck, and me sneaking the chocolatey kind.

Our afternoons of hauling wood from a forest in an old pickup truck. Rusty with wear. The evenings we sat around fire, roasting marshmallows, not needing to say a word. We simply watched flames and stars in the navy sky.

When in the same atmosphere as us, it doesn't take long to know we are as two peas in a pod.

We have something special.

You can tell in our eyes.

There is a joy in the way my Dad introduces me. The way the presentation of who I am, brings delight to his face, "This is my daughter". In the same fashion, I introduce him to those who may not know the depth of his relevance to me.

We beam.

So much of who I am, I've inherited from him.

And as life continues, my hope is to gain even more of his strengths.

To shimmer and shine more then just his eyes, but also his heart.

It is with much honor and love, I wish to give him a shout out today...

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

I love you...

You are one of life's greatest gifts!

A time to Thank you...

2011-06-17T06:00:00.002-06:00

More then I expected arrived, when sharing pieces of my story with you this week.

Much more.

The door swung wide for those of you who have been waiting for the right time to share your own personal journeys, struggles, and healing. The fact that you trusted me with such honesty is humbling and I do not take it lightly.

Thank you!

This is what I want to say...

Walk on through!

Be YOU!

You've got something to offer.

As you are.

Your smile.

Your talents.

Your heartache.

Your story.

Your joy.

You are irreplaceable. Worth more then rubies.

Take this moment to know...

You have great value in the eyes of God.

When the world wants to toss you aside.

He wants to pick you up.

When the world wants to step on you.

He wants to be your shelter.

When the world wants to curse you.

He wants to redeem you.

God will fight for you. The victory is His.

Be the one-of-a-kind you, as only you can!

Thank you again for allowing me the grace and freedom to share myself with you. I cherish the work God is doing here.

I can do everything through him who gives me strength ~Philippians 4:13

A time to Share {Part Three}...

2011-06-16T06:00:00.004-06:00

God gave me the faith to receive His gospel from the first time I heard it. The parts I could comprehend, anyway. It spread pure unadulterated love into my viens as I sat on that cold wooded pew. I had never heard of such love. Nor could I fathom. The sun was shining red through the stain-glass windows. It made me think of blood, poured out for me.

God opened my heart to Him and captured me that day. I've been in His hands ever since. I knew that God had cleansed me from my sinful past and that I was set free from the recklessness I had lived in, before Him.

But somehow, I was misled into believing I needed to keep myself clean from that moment on. That I needed to keep my life right for God. That I needed to continue the sanctification in order to be acceptable for Him.

{To read the back story, click here}

I was still in the desert. I was making life about my behaviours, when God simply wanted all of my heart. I had become a modern day Pharisee. I looked neat and tidy on the outside, I easily point fingers in judgment, I didn't associate with the unclean, and my heart was blind to the understanding of daily saving-grace.

My heart wasn't clinging onto Christ and His FINISHED work.

The church, more often then not, spoke on all that we should do instead of everything Jesus already did. I, more often then not, spoke the same thing.

Striving for an unattainable standard is a horrible disease. Perfectionism comes from the pit of hell and it smells of rotting flesh.

It is self-centered. Self-reliant. Self-righteous.

This was me. Legalism rose up in me when what I needed to do, not what Jesus has already done, became my end game.

It has been over the last few years that God really started to break me of this thinking. And when I thought it was finished, He broke me some more. This journey of healing, brokenness, re-construction and becoming gospel-centered has been one of the most painful processes God has ever taken me through. It is completely upside down from everything I had been attaching my hope to. God shattered me into a million pieces, when He revealed my wrongs, my mistakes, and my "religious" ways. My stomach turned into knots. The sickness of what I had become was vile.

A modern day Pharisee.

God in His love, pursued me, kept me, broke me, held me, and He is continually re-sculpting me. Him potter, me clay.

Sanctification is grueling. It is difficult. And it is full of suffering. Jesus had to get at the root of my problem... I had forgotten the gospel.

I had taken my eyes off Jesus and put them on myself. Preaching the gospel is the only thing that helps us take our eyes off ourselves and how we're doing, and fixes our eyes on Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith.

I love how one Pastor put it this way "Jesus fulfilled all of God's perfect conditions so that our relationship to God could be perfectly unconditional. The gospel of God's grace is radical, free, counterintuitive, and therefore defiant of every performance-driven impulse in our hearts".

Prior to God opening my heart to grasp this truth, I was in bondage.

Chained to self.

Gerhard Forde puts his finger on why the gospel is so scandalous:

The gospel of justification by faith is such a shocker, such an explosion, because it is an absolutely unconditional promise. It is not an “if-then” kind of statement, but “because-therefore” pronouncement: because Jesus died and rose, your sins are forgiven and you are righteous in the sight of God! It bursts in upon our little world all shut up and barricaded behind our accustomed conditional thinking as some strange comet from goodness-knows-where, something we can’t really seem to wrap our minds around, the logic of which appears closed to us. How can it be entirely unconditional? Isn’t it terribly dangerous? How can anyone say flat out, “You are righteous for Jesus’ sake? Is there not some price to be paid,some-thing (however minuscule) to be done? After all, there can’t be such thing as a free lunch, can there?”

You see, we really are sealed up in the prison of our conditional thinking. It is terribly difficult for us to get out, and even if someone batters down the door and shatters the bars, chances are we will stay in the prison anyway! We seem always to want to hold out for something somehow, that little bit of something, and we do it with a passion and an anxiety that betrays its true source–the Old Adam that just does not want to lose control.

I've been torn apart by our Sovereign God. I've been changed. I've been liberated. Delivered and set free. Healing has come and will continue as I walk in His truths... Sanctification is the hard work of getting use to our Justification. The truth that I am fully justified, not because of anything I've done, but because of everything Jesus completed and finished on my behalf. My life and my heart didn't change in the process of me trying harder, it came as I encountered the radical Grace of God.

At no point in time, either before God saved me or afterward, did my behaviours determine His love for me. His love is unconditional.

I said it all along, but by His grace... now, I know it! And there is a huge difference!

The sin underneath all sins is the lie that we cannot trust the love & grace of Jesus & that we must take matters into our own hands.

To be convinced in our hearts that we have forgiveness of sins and peace with God by grace alone is the hardest thing.

The whole gospel is outside of us.

~Martin Luther

A time to Share {Part Two}...

2011-06-15T06:00:00.006-06:00

"For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous,

but those who know they are sinners." -Jesus

It was almost three years into my relationship with Wes {to read the back story, click here} that God was about to make Himself known.

We had been engaged 6 months as of my 18th birthday. I wore the ring, this one gold, in wait of our wedding. We were in no rush to plan.

But something inside of us kept twisting. Provoking. Prompting the loneliness of life to search for real wealth. Not the kind we had been indulging in for the last few years. Both of us couldn't stop thinking "There has to be more then this". More purpose for our lives then to simply waste them away, literally. We questioned.

The stirring within wouldn't subside for months. The unanswered became haunting. A true fear that we were missing out on something.

We were soon going to find out it was someone.

God was on a mission...

It happen on a warm Sunday in June. The day we stepped into church.

We walked into the the stain-glass building, the smell of coffee, donuts, and rose perfume waffled through the foyer. I was nervous to be there.

Dirty girl mingling with the holy. I didn't belong.

My mind played tricks "What are YOU doing here?", "You are such a fake", "You should just leave before anyone notices you."

My life was rotting with sin. What was I thinking going there?

I now wonder, how many others feel the same when they step through the doors of our churches.

I took a seat next to Wes near the back of the church. I felt awkward but my heart soaked the truth of the word I heard that Sunday. A simple refreshing message, to a broken searching soul... God loves me!? So much that He died for me!? Jesus bore the cross to cleanse me of my sins!? To save me of the Hell I deserved!? What? Could this be true? God paid my penalty!?

That was it!

If there was a God who loved me so much, that He put forth a plan of action to save me from the wages of my sin {which is death} then I needed to do whatever it took to never loose that love. I thought I could loose it, so I was ready to change everything.

I wanted to change desperately and this was my ticket. God was my golden ticket. He would be my motivation to turn my life around.

I wanted to please Him so badly.

Since I have a hard time doing anything half-heartedly, I dove right in with a full-force of intensity. I started studying the bible every spare moment I had and read books on the how to's of Christianity. I read up on how to be a woman of God, how to fast & pray, how to live a righteous life in an unrighteous world, and so on.

Wes and I had finally planned our wedding and set in motion to make our lives "good" ones. Nine months later, I was a bride at the age of 19. We were still so young. Broken. Masking our hurts with plastic veneers of self-righteous moral behaviour.

We struggled through many areas of life. Just the two of us, learning on our own.

To us, the church was clean. Wholesome. Exemplary.

And we were so far from being a worthy example. So we thought.

We wanted to get this right and we were still doing so much wrong {we just didn't know it yet}. Life suddenly looked a lot different on the outside, but internally we were still lost in many ways.

I believed that if I was to be a part of the church, I needed to clean myself up and look polished. I had to wear my purified exterior and disguise my hurts. So I strived. I strived to live up to the expectations of those around me. I strived to live up to all the "how to's" I had read. I learned the "christian lingo" and expressions, served well, studied hard, and deceived myself into believing this was about me and all I had to do. I lived in the hamster wheel of trying to attain Christian perfection. I was performance driven and gospel oblivious, most days. I made my walk with God more about my actions then I did about my heart.

And again, no one called my bluff. Why?

Was it because it looked right?

The stirring never ceased within me. Something didn't compute.

The Holy Spirit was about to open me up to truths I had never walked in before... I was about to become more intimate with God then I could have ever imagined. My relationship with Him was going to turn from a knowledge of, to a deep knowing. God was about to breakthrough my stone walls and reveal the depths of my heart. He was about to expose the wickedness that still lurked in the dark corners, my human depravity. My failures. He was about to heal me of my wounds, past and present.

God was on a mission to break me...

But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift. ~Romans 4:5

To be continued...

A time to Share {Part One}...

2011-06-14T06:00:00.004-06:00

Like many children, I wasn't raised in a Christian home with a strong moral agenda or the smell of church on Sunday morning. I didn't own Sunday dresses or get my hair tied in braids before trotting off as a family to church services.

Like many children, I fought for the attention and affirmation from those around me. Seeking worth and value in people and relationships. Desiring identity. Heritage. Life.

Like many children, I was vulnerable to sexual abuse at a very young age, and was shattered by the memory for several years afterward. And like many children, I rebelled as a result.

Innocence stolen.

I felt worthless. Tainted. Dirty.

I became extremely selfish in my pain and loneliness. I did what I wanted to do. I mixed in where ever I found a spot that would fit me. A spot that would accept me.

I was searching for identity in a world that shouted "Find it HERE". A lone girl, desperate to find worth in the hallow. I was searching for something, anything, to fill me. I changed my outward appearances quite frequently in my attempts to figure out who I was. Or was it a way to escape the truth of who I was? I did not know. I became a chameleon of sorts. I learned to blend myself, and my inner torment.

I had my first boyfriend by the age of 12.

I viewed pornography by age 13.

I was tattoo'd by the age of 14.

And I would smoke & drink anything I could get my hands on by the age of 15.

I was spiralling out of control.

At different times, I had my hair dyed purple, blue, or black. I wore clothes much too big or much too short, depending on my mood or my motive. I glossed the lips. I teased the tangles. I flirted with this world and it blew me kisses in return. It caressed my misery. Propositioned me with hypnotic flavour and I fell in love.

I lived for the rush.

I lived for the high.

I lived for the filling.

I was only 15 when I met my husband, Wes. Him 18 and still just a boy. High school sweethearts we were. We lived wild and free. In a bubble we called home. I packed up my life as a child and threw caution to the wind. By the age of 16 I wanted to be woman, living in complete abandon and a dirty apartment. I persuaded myself that I could do this.

Wes and I were convinced that we loved each other more then any other pair, so why not? We glued ourselves to one another. Co-dependent. Interconnected in an unhealthy reliance.

We dreamed big, danced crazy, and partied long into midnight skies. Hooked.

Wes tied a string of romance on my finger, as promise of a life forever. I swooned and moaned over him.

Me just a girl, pretending to be woman.

No one called my bluff.

We were a young lost couple, wearing garments much to big for such tender statures. Struggling, we tried to stand strong in this fallen world.

For the next two years we filled our lives with worldly medication.

Pornography. Sex. Alcohol. Parties. Strip clubs. Drugs. You name it.

We feasted at the buffet we were offered. Never denying ourselves. We became gluttons of secular pleasure. Intoxicated by the world. Drunk on her venom, we laughed lazy. Sedated by our choices.

Our breath, profane. Our spirits, dead.

We were drowning in this debilitating lifestyle. Making each other life rafts. Saviours.

This was the beginning of the end, in light of a new beginning...

To be Continued...

A time to Open the Files...

2011-06-13T00:01:00.006-06:00

Last week I sat in front of the white glare on my computer screen. My "New Post" box sitting empty before me. A heart swirling full of "stuff" to share but nothing formulating into word.

I took a stroll and wandered through old drafts. Drafts I closed up last year. Before I wrote this post, and took a break to seek deeper healing.

Half-written heartache, stories, and praise, tucked neatly away.

In wait of editing.

In wait of me clicking open to continue the scripting out of whatever sentences need to flow next.

Hidden hurts {for now}.

Hidden victories {for now}.

Hidden pain {for now}.

Hidden joy {for now}.

These words lay quiet. Patient for their time.

I wait in the same mannor. For permission. From Him.

Waiting for God's go-ahead to distribute words in black on white.

Will it bring me more healing to share? Or more hurt?

Will it help administer healing to someone else who is walking that same road?

Can relating to one who has been where I am, open the ministry door for truth to overflow and tears to cleanse? Can I be the one used by God to bring hope to an otherwise hopeless situation?

Truth is, I'm scared.

My knees knock and I want to buckle low at the thought of judgement. To clasp my head with hands, covering myself like a cloak to hide. No one wants to be stripped before a court and ridiculed for past mistakes or choices. No one chooses to have their name slandered or heart critiqued. But it happens...

Am I willing to take the risk?

I love the thought of community that builds strength around the wounded... and we are all just that. Wounded. Relatable.

It's in the exposing of roads travelled or being travelled that we can realize there is more to people then what we see. The lessons learned along the way are priceless gifts we can give to one another in this sacred community of love.

To love people for where they've come from and what they offer.

To love people for where they are and what they are learning.

To love people for where they are going and what they will bring back.

Community wrapped in authenticity and love is beauty, at it's core.

So I ask with much grace you will receive my life, as it is, as it was, and as it is to be.

God's redemption of this sinful one. His continued sanctification.

My dirty mess(es). His cleansing blood.

I plan on sharing more of my story this week.

It is quite difficult to put life experiences into word and capture every facet,

but I will try my best and pray for God's will to unfold, here.

A time to be as Salt...

2011-06-10T11:30:00.007-06:00

When I'm hurting I withdraw.

I do this as self-protection. A mechanism to guard my heart from more pain.

To close myself off from an over-load of emotion. I try to cope by numbing my feelings.

I withdraw from love.

I withdraw from myself.
I withdraw from others.

I withdraw from those better-than-chocolate people in my life, who extend love to me, even at my worst. Their love can be bitter-sweet.

This is why...

They love me enough to show me they will not leave. Ever. And my insecurities want to creep up and distort their words. I want to run from such an outpouring.

They love me enough to not stand by and watch me make the same mistakes, over and over. Instead they insist on extending a hand to help, to guide, to lead.

They love me enough to pull my head out of the clouds, clear from the fog so I can see evidently. They want to bring vision on the days I've seemed to go blind.

... and I run from such an outpouring.

Their love, bittersweet. Like a bowl sugar with a dash of salt.

Their love, truth... and truth can hurt.

Like salt to the wound.

Although the sting of salt causes more pain in the beginning, it cleanses too.

It helps heal. It has purpose.

Like salt to our wounds our relationships can also make us twist tight and flinch. Burn and ooze wounded all the more. But we can choose to be a healing salt to those we love. Compassionately, with tender hearts, we can rub and help soothe the hurts. Console and cleanse the open gashes. To nurse our hurting ones with gentleness.

To bring sweet healing love to the wounded... salted with grace.

It is grace that brings me out of hiding. Grace that opens me to love.

Let us always remember to season others with this fragrant flavour.

"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth." ~ Matthew 5:13

What seasoning equips you to live open?

A time to Offer your Pieces...

2011-06-08T06:30:00.002-06:00

I'm not going to hold back. I'm going to share with you what I know.
No lies. You ready? Here it is....

YOU are BROKEN.

I am BROKEN.
And we are in need of a remedy beyond what we can do with human hands.

We need the true healer. A redeemer of our wounded hearts.

For years, I held it together. I was strong. I was glue. I was the backbone.

I hid my pain well, because I thought I was alone in it. I thought if people knew the real me, they wouldn't understand or show me the compassion my heart yearned for.

I thought if God was to love me I needed to be good enough for Him.

I hid. I lived covered. I piled my days busy with tasks, to-do's, and relationships that were hallow. I played my roles of "good mother", "good wife", "good friend", and "good Christian woman".

Meanwhile, I was being torn up inside. Wrestling with hurts that still oozed. Struggles and fears that ruled me and I didn't know what to do with them. Besides keep them inside. Hidden away from others.

Until one day...

God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

Psalm 18:20,23-24 (The Message)

Are you feeling alone? Beaten-down? Hopeless?

Are you needing to find healing?

Desperate for wholeness?

Place the pieces of your life, all of them, into the hands of God.

Those pieces are an offering to Him. He delights in receiving you.

God has shown me, that life isn't meant to be lived alone. Self-reliant.

Rather, dependant on His never-ceasing love and grace.

He wants you. As you are. Broken. In-need. Of Him.

We are incapable of changing our own hearts. It is a holy work.

A work that Jesus joyfully wants to do in you.

Since Jesus has worked FOR US, we must rest in Him.

A most freeing imperative, indeed.

We are BROKEN. He is LIFE.

God uses our brokenness as one of the windows through which we see His face.

So grab my hand... let us reach together & place our shattered pieces at His feet. You are NOT alone.

We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Hebrews 12:2 (New Living Translation)

Written for Stonecroft Ministires Canada

who recently started their BLOG, here!

A time for Change...

2011-06-04T10:00:00.001-06:00

When God slips in from behind and we do not see Him there, is He still at work?

Always present?

Always active?

God comes in from all directions to accomplish His will in us. And I've realized that He isn't the biggest fan of my comfort zones. Coming in unexpected, startles the soul nervous.

Unforeseen work in the hiding places.

Do we not serve a God of pursuit?

He will prune, prod, and pluck things out of our hearts, no matter what the cost to us, no matter what we may loose in the process. For Jesus already paid the price in FULL, and change in us is good. Although not absent of hurt.

It is His purpose-filled restructure, necessary for growth.

Do we not serve a God who can both give and take away?

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. ~James 1:17

We can rest in the security that God himself, who is unchanging, loves us unconditionally as we are, while He weaves us into who He wants us to become. Moulding our hearts. Breaking down to re-build.

In times of hopelessness, remember we serve the God of Hope.

In times of loneliness, remember we serve the God of Companionship.

In times of defeat, remember we serve the God of Victory.

Whatever change is taking place in your life, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, remember we serve the God of Comfort.

Change isn't always easily embraced. But it's going to be okay...

I wish I knew the details of what you may be going through. A looking glass that would reveal the depths of all the unexposed. And although I do not know your circumstance, I do know the one who is with you right now, in the middle of it.

He knows what we need today.

And whatever we are going through, He's going to see us to the other side.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

A time to be Scarred...

2011-06-01T09:00:00.004-06:00

It happens in the ripping, tearing apart of our lives.

In the demolishing of old.

It happens in the eruption of that which is dead. Fruitless.

In the dismantling of self.

The pain sears. And we heave and groan the hurt through sobs in dark nights.

Like a branding iron this too is to create scars. Remembrance.

God's work.

The sacred, grace-filled work of Christ.

Oh how I want it to burn in me. An alter to recall the deep healing.

The dismantle of self, of sin. Breeds room for Him.

We endure the suffering. The discomfort of life.

And He bestows gift.

He gives Grace.

Life becomes FULL when we are removed from it.

Selfishness destroyed.

Jesus becomes LIFE to us. Our life becomes His.

The scars remain. Always there. Our story. To share.

Woe, woe! to those who placidly suspire

Drowned in security, remote from fire;

Who under the dim sky and whispering trees

By peaceful slopes and passing streams have ease.

No sacred pang disturbs their secular life,

Eluding splendor and escaping strife;

They die not, for they lived not…

To those whom he doth love God hath not sent

Such dread security, such sad content…

But he hath branded on such souls his name.

And he will know them by the scars of flame.

So fear not grief, fear not the anguished, thou,

The paining heart, the clasped and prostrate brow;

This is the emblem, and this is the sign

By which God singles thee for fields divine. ~Steven Phillips

Do you have scars that are visible to others? Do you feel freedom to share? Or is it scary for you to unveil the journey that lead to them?

A time to Believe...

2011-05-29T08:30:00.003-06:00

We meet near the park. Entryway to the woods. Paths lined with trees and nature's music.

She takes in a deep breath. Nervous.

We can all admit belief and unbelief can co-exist. Often.

She knows the goal. She knows the sweat that will moisten her brow. She knows the pain the body will feel. She knows the unbelief, the daily lies she speaks "You can't do this."

But oh, sweet friend, you ARE.

I encourage her with the thumping of shoes. The one stride in front of the next. The motion forward. I speak "You can."

And we begin to run.

The rain pours down and mixes with her tears. Doubt builds and she wears it like her favourite Hoodie. Familiar. I know she wants to quit. I know it is easier for her to leave this goal incomplete, then to finish it with the weight of hurt she carries with her.

I've been there.

I've dressed myself in the same garb of unbelief.

And I realize I don't believe in the power of God when I live like all things difficult or filled with pain are impossible obstacles to overcome. I don't believe in the power of God when I doubt the resurrection of a dream to be achieved. I doubt the power of God when I have faith for others but not myself.

But God is mighty in power to equip and accomplish His work within us.

Us weak. Him strong.

It's in the motion forward. The pushing through the dark spaces that God emerges and light fills us with resurrection hope. It's in the first step, then the second step, that He propels us past the unbelief into belief.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." ~Mark 10:27

For faith is a gift not a virtue we can self-manifest, but a precious gift given by the hands of God. We are His resurrection people. He breathes LIFE, and we too overcome the grave. The graves that keep us bound in fear. Doubt. Death.

The same power that raised Christ from the dead lives inside of us? And we doubt?

With emotion still welling-up, her expressions overflow, my friend carries on. The rain still pours, cleansing and washing the fears away as she finishes.

Sometimes, all we need is a little encouragement, resurrection power, to know we have a God who brings life to the areas we thought were dead. We can lean on Him in our overbearing times of weakness. A God who speaks truth into our hearts, when we would rather hold onto fear. A God who doesn't require our focus to be on us, but on Him and all He has accomplished on our behalf.

Let us believe in His power to ignite us to be all He has created us to be.

Over-comers.

His children. His witness of glory. His power manifested.

Oh, sweet friend, you ARE all those things...

Now continue to run into them.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!"

(Mark 9:24 Msg)

Do you struggle with belief and unbelief co-existing in your life?

A time to Shake the Dust...

2011-05-26T06:30:00.002-06:00

Has anyone told you lately how absolutely wonderful you are?
Uniquely beautiful, you.

Amazingly brave, you.

Yes, YOU!

The one sitting reading these words thinking "No, not me."

Yes, YOU!

The one who is struggling through the days of screaming children, piles of laundry, and dirty floors. The one who is working two jobs to make ends meet. The one trying to push past the daily doubts that creep in, trying to keep you down. The one who is gloriously messy in being truly vulnerable. The one who is standing tall in the face of hardship, not giving up. The one who keeps pretending, ashamed. The one who drains themselves dry, to continually pour out. The one who keeps falling, but manages to keep getting up.

I'm talking to you.

I want to encourage you with this video...

That no matter where you are or what life is throwing at you, you can SHAKE THE DUST!

Shake. The. Dust.

... and be YOU!!!

You are wonderfully made just as you are, and while you are on your way to becoming all God has created you to be... Shake the dust.

A time to Push Past...

2011-05-24T00:00:00.004-06:00

There can be a deep well of hurt when you've been misunderstood.

In that isolated place where you feel the heat of the spotlight on you, in judgment. Falsely formed opinions.

People looking past the truth of who you are and what you are trying to say or do.

They look upon you with disapproval and withdraw.

Lost in the revelations and mysteries in which you speak or live out with passion.

Lack of understanding creating distance.

It's tough not being known. In full.

Misguided criticism shot at you like bullets. Darts.

Assumptions made.

We are all guilty of this. Our concoction of oppression, condemnation, and accusations, to sum up a person... what they believe, who they are, and what their intentions or motives are tied up in.

Maybe today we can release our preconceived notions, give someone a chance.

Open our ears to hear them. See their point of view. Understand their story.

In all honesty, the feelings of pain I feel at the absence of understanding, the "missing" of comprehension, is that of alienation. Loneliness.

My ache is in the unfinished, incomplete, distant conception.

The beginnings of something beautiful being cut off. Removed.

My ache is for conversations not yet had. The wonder if more words would help unveil. Help open a heart to ALL truth.

It is disheartening to not be known or understood by others.

I often wish my life could play out as a movie with behind the scenes footage.

My heart exposed with crystal clarity.

And then, maybe then... I'd be known for me and people would get where I'm coming from.

But...

People are going to see what they want to see.

People are going to hear what they want to hear.

People are going to think what they want to think.

And I am learning to not let that deprive me of courage, hope, or confidence in who I am.

To not let opposition hinder the work God is doing within me and through me. To keep on doing what He has called me to do, even when others don't "get it".

For it's here. Right here in these moments. That God whispers to my heart "You are known. Known deeply and fully, by me."

He speaks those precious words piercingly, and with that I push past the need for all other approval and simply stand in the truth of who I am... IN HIM.

A time to Live Awake...

2011-05-18T09:00:00.006-06:00

Geared up and ready for my morning run, I reached for my ipod and realize it's dead.

Battery power, empty.

*sigh*

It's rare I hit the hills without music. A beat to keep my pace. Lyrics to numb the mental battles that come.

"I don't think I can go any further."

"Why did I think this was possible?"

"I love running. I hate running. I love running. I hate running."

With no music to distract me, I recognized rhythms that are already there for my enjoyment. Our enjoyment.

His majestic song.

I was attentive and alert to the happenings around me.

The rustling of the leafs. The way my shoes snapped little twigs and the puff of dust under each stride. My ears gave focus to birds chirping and ducks floating upon lake ripples. Splashes from incoming landings and their calling out to their own.

Without the distraction I saw things and heard things I would have otherwise missed.

I was able to fully live in the moment.

Worship arising all around. And I heard it.

His song.

How often do I live with my ears plugged to this beauty around me? Numbing out distractions that could possibly be gifts? Missing out on the graces?

Do we as people forget to live FULLY? Is it time?

Let us unplug. Let us give focus to the task in front of us.

Let us give all we have each moment. And live.

Live AWAKE. Awake to God's song.

His song over you.

Listen for it...

The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

A time to Be Filled...

2011-05-13T12:00:00.002-06:00

There is something sweet and cleansing to the soul when rain dances down.

Droplets of heaven falling fresh upon earth.

The smell of freshly cut grass and summers first crisp piece of watermelon.

My eyes gazed the route in front of me. Spring runner making miles.

My eyes pause on every dry crack that splits wide open. Thirsty.

Broken seams stretch long and often on this paved path.

The pressures of a groaning earth and it's daily wear show it's scars.

I understand the ache of such pain. In life.

The pressures of all that is heavy, dark, dry and dirty, can split us wide open.

Hearts spread thin. Cracked. Begging. Thirsty.

A need to be quenched with heavenly rain. His touch.

God's holy hand reaching inexhaustibly to place LIFE in wounds.

Our cracked ground. Our cracked hearts. Our cracked open lives.

He comes to replace void with love, with every droplet of His presence.

When we no longer stuff our sacred spaces with earthly fillers, He comes. And fills.

Bearing gifts to us.

Should we not be the ones bearing gifts to Him? Jesus. The giver of all gifts.

He comes. He comes to us. To our wounds. To ours hurts.

He comes to fill our gaps with something new.

He comes. Always. With LIFE. With LOVE.

I breathe in the fragrance of God, this cleansing flow of waterdrops as my feet want to give room to the split open spaces under me. The picture of hurting people, in wait, for there time.

Their time of healing. Of growth. Of change. Of newness.

Their need for more of Him.

It comes. The rain. Cracks swallowing it up. Gulping.

As earth soaks in it's nutrients. I soak in mine.

I pause in that moment. Thankful.

I soak.

More of Jesus. More of His understanding. More of His grace. More of His love. More of His cleansing flow.

Scars still visible, but beautifully filled.

A time to Begin... AGAIN!

2011-05-10T16:00:00.001-06:00

I feel as though I'm stepping onto foreign soil. Here.
Sandal-less. Bare-footed.

I'm a bit scared. To do this thing. Again.

To write.

To share.

To live in words. With you.

But I come. I come, pieced back together. Less fractured. More whole.
I have a heart eager and fearful, all at the same time. To share my story.

My heritage. My pain.

His redemption.

I do not know how often I will travel here. Feet nervous. Fingers stiff.
But I will write when called, and share what is pressed. In and on. Me.

For your grace in my absence, I am thankful!

A time to Lay it Down...

2010-11-22T00:01:00.014-07:00

There are many great and rewarding avenues in life that can ultimately keep us distracted and busy. Hindering the mighty work God wants to do in us.

We can take good things, things that bring joy and fulfillment, and use them to keep us hidden and occupied. To numb ourselves from the intense crushing, breaking, stripping process of our heart. We dodge the depths in which God wants to go, to reveal our wounds to us. We shake in fear of the unknown.

My journey on this blog has been eye-opening and heart-exposing as I've typed keys into words. It has brought me great joy to find authentic souls who understand the pain and triumph. Who relate to the wrestling and surrender. However, I've allowed blogging to divert my attention away from an even deeper healing. I've allowed comments and emails to validate this journey when recently I've heard the whisper of God asking me to lay it down, so He can give me words for wounds. Balm for brokenness. Wholeness in healing.

And that I need to stop "doing" and "being" for others and simply let Him do and be for me.

I've been afraid that in the mute of typing out my heart, I'd let you all down... my readers, my friends.

God has been endlessly pursuing me to come closer, with preeminent intent. To weep at His feet while mercy washes over and floods my spirit. There is so much more He wants to reveal through the cuts, scrapes, and scars that are still bleeding, in need of His binding.

So...

He is calling me back to leather bound pages and scribbled ink. This next season is much too painful and intimate to lay out on screen while it's fresh. Possibly, a different time or a different place. For now, I must stop running and hiding, I must learn to lean into Him like never before.

I do not know how long this break from blogging will be. My plan is to take my extra hours to connect with grace, peace, and understanding. For He is all three, and more.

I will continue to spill my heart on paper, returning to His affectionately exhaustive, intimately sacred place of unhindered words. Unedited and undone.

I am scared of the pain and hurt that will surface in those moments, but will put my trust in the one who knows pain like no other.

The one who was broken, knows brokenness.

The one who has risen, knows how to rise beauty from ashes.

And through all of it, I will wait on Him for my time to rise.

For.

There.

Is.

Time...

ALWAYS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been an honour to share my heart, my stories,

my afflictions, my pain, and my joy with you.

I ask you kind friends to pray for me during this time, this season.

Thank you for being here, with me.

You will be missed but never forgotten.

If you want to stay connected...

You can find me on Facebook or Twitter or via Email (on profile page)

Much LOVE & GRACE!!!

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

A time to Enjoy the Weekend...

2010-11-19T00:01:00.002-07:00

(we heart it)

As the November winds blow in snow and chill sets under pores, may you find beauty all around you to warm your soul. May your eyes catch vision through the white flurry and may your ears be tuned to hear the worship that hovers in every storm.

As this weekend is presented to you, my prayer is that it will be filled with passionate life. His fierce fire. For when our lives and weather turn cold, He is our warmth. Our place of refuge. Pour out, dear friends...

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

(Pslam 62:8)

A time for Love to be Enough...

2010-11-18T00:01:00.004-07:00

Thursday's Imperfect Prose

{we heart it}

Tuesday evening I slipped under covers, late.

Twelve hours of travel from the time I left my hotel in Nevada to the time my face was hit with the winter wind, here, on home land. I had been gone for 4 days, taking time away to spill into another life and be used by Him.

It was wonderful.

Conversations raw. Emotions unleashed. Hearts broken and encouraged.

He appoints it all to happen. Governed by His hand.

The chill of evening set in my bones as it recognized the 35 degree difference in temperature. Stepping off the plane onto prairieland-tarmac I yearned to step into sleeping-daughter's rooms, to sneak-a-peek. And when I finally did, I was overly blessed to set eyes on beauty wrapped in quilt.

Yesterday morning came too quickly. But little girl company couldn't come soon enough. Anna's little toes tucked in next to me with tight squeezes and groggy joy of "Mom, you're home!". We let the warmth of our bodies gather in blankets as we laid in the affection of our Mother/Daughter love.

"Guess what? I bought you something!" I told her.

"You did?" She said with excitement. "You didn't have to do that, Mom." Sincerity drips off her words.

"I know I didn't. But I wanted to. Besides, it's just something small." I'm stating facts for her tender ears to hear. Then she states her own "Well, I just want you to know that you didn't have to buy me anything. You're love is enough."

I choke on those heart-piercing words. My morning gift. His morning mercy.

And I wonder, if in true honesty, could I say those words to Him?

Your love is enough.

LORD, if you never added to me another thing. If your all your blessings ceased. If not one of my hearts desires were granted by you. If you chose to never answer a prayer. If only hardships were to follow me the rest of my days. Could I still say "Your love, oh LORD, is enough for me!"? Do I have the courage to lay it bare and plead that my true desire become that you LORD Jesus do not have to do another thing for me?... That you're love is enough!

If not, can you make that so?

I want my life to reflect a love for God, alone. Not a love for God because of what He adds to me, gives me, or keeps me from. Solely a love for Him.

I reach my arm around her and pull her in close "Oh my sweet girl, you are a gift. In more ways then you'll ever know." It is in these moments, I know I'm home.

It amazes me that as we pour out, He pours back in. To fill us. And that even these crawl-into-bed-with-Mom moments are sovereign. Appointed by Him.

Ministry happens all over this earth, on unfamiliar soil as well as home-turf... because His love IS enough.

Is the love of God enough for you today?

A time to be Content...

2010-11-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

{Originally posted on March 23, 2010}

This is an excerpt from Max Lucado’s book, In the Grip of Grace. I read it on a fellow bloggers website, and haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

It has challenged me!

I wonder if it will do the same to you...

Content. That’s the word. A state of heart in which you’d be at peace if God gave you nothing more than He already has. Test yourself with this question: What if God’s only gift to you were his grace to save you? Would you be content? You beg him to save the life of your child. You plead with him to keep your business afloat. You implore him to remove the cancer from your body. What if his answer is, “My grace is enough.” Would you be content?

You see, from heaven’s perspective, grace is enough. If God did nothing more than save us from hell, could anyone complain? If God saved our souls and then left us to spend out lives leprosy-struck on a deserted island, would He be unjust? Having been given eternal life, dare we grumble at an aching body? Having been given heavenly riches, dare we bemoan earthly poverty?

Let me be quick to add, God has not left you with “just salvation”. If you have eyes to read these words, hands to hold this book, the means to own this volume, He has already given you grace upon grace.

Am I content?
Honestly. No.
There is much I would like to change. Achieve. Do. Be.

Which is why I strive for it. Become it. Go after it. Accomplish it.

Is His grace enough?

Honestly. Yes.

We live in a consumer driven nation. We are constantly bombarded with "you deserve it" commercials, and "it's all about me" advertisements.

We are spoon fed this idea that "we need more".

We keep up. We pay up. We make our way up.

As though contentment will follow IF...

I just have (or get, or become) ______________ .

Have we bought into it?

...if his answer is, “My grace is enough.” Would you be content?

Would YOU???

A time to Live Open...

2010-11-16T00:01:00.010-07:00

It wasn't until recently I realize how much I'm actually "out there" in this blog world.

I get that people all over the globe stumble upon here and read a line or two. I've even developed friendships with the most authentic writers and poets who share a blogging passion. I have close friends who slip-in to read everyday with out much word in return. They support quietly.

Then a few times in the last couple weeks, when crossing paths with acquaintances or people I barely know in grocery stores, friendly smiles are given followed by a pause then this confession "So, I've been reading your blog..."

Really??? I think. Wow!

There are times I can see the concern in their eyes for me. Possibly after reading a post like this, or this. Meanwhile some of you think you should keep it a secret, your confidentiality about sneaking in the occasional "I wonder what she wrote today", until I receive a comment or email that confesses "I've been secretly reading your blog for awhile now and have never commented...". Those of you who have done this usually continue on to share your story, your struggles, or your heart with me.

I feel privileged to have approach with such amazing, beautifully-broken, people.

You are among my treasures.

It is crazy to think this blog leaves me living with heart-on-sleeve, emotion-in-word, thoughts-in-cyberland, for all to see. To read. To judge. To inspire. To critic. To challenge. To relate.

It's crazy. But I am.

My joy is to live in such a way that Jesus can have glory in all of it. My brokenness. My pain. My achievements. My revelations. To live in such a way that I find Him in amongst what others may consider ordinary, plain, mundane, or simple. To live with spiritual binoculars, seeing Him up-close and personal, exalted in the everyday.

For my heart to truly grasp Him and know Him.

It's worth living exposed. It's worth the cost.

I trust God has a plan for this space and this heart of mine.

And I am thankful for those of you who gain a little something from my meager words.

You help me unwrap this life to see God manifest, to live open to His moving.

For that, I thank you!

A time to Do what you Can...

2010-11-15T00:01:00.001-07:00

{we heart it}

When you can't seem to find the hours in a day to accomplish all that awaits your diligent hand, and you fall to knees in exhaustion at days end... it is in those moments of exasperation that we drape ourselves in defeat but can battle back by allowing thanks to ripple off the tongue for what was achieved.

Giving Him praise for what these fashioned hands can do because He says they can and all the added gifts that rise and fall with His sovereign breath.

160. Stretched out arms for warm embraces

161. Organized cupboards and lined up boxes of tea

162. Packed full suitcases for girlfriends weekend away

163. Celebrating my digits changing with a house full of sweet souls

164. The way she dresses and how He uses it to teach me {everyday}

165. Lyrics that touch heart depths

166. Mother/Daughter bedtime chatter and all those precious moments

167. Dealing with overflowing paper baskets

168. Dusted espresso wood

169. Prayers to find all JOY in Him

Taking these simple hands to accomplish all I can in Him and resting in that blessed peace come night-fall.

A time to Announce the WINNER...

2010-11-12T00:01:00.002-07:00

Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given.

(John 1:16)

Freely you have received; freely give.

(Matthew 10:8b)

It is with great JOY that I wanted to give a pair of TOMS shoes away in celebration of God's abundant blessings in my life, to bow out His generosity to someone else.

My birthday was truly FULL of love... what more can I ask for?

It is more then sufficient and my cup overflows. Which is why I wanted to bring awareness to such an amazing organization as TOMS shoes {because with every pair of shoes that is purchased, they give a pair of new shoes to a child in need}.

It is with bubbling-over-excitement that I announce that the winner of my first ever giveaway.... {drumroll, please}....

MONICA

"It is more blessed to give than to receive." ~ Jesus

A time to Remember...

2010-11-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

(John 15:13)

Lest we Forget...

Remembering all that has been lost for our freedom

and honouring those who laid down their lives for us.

*** Don't forget about the GIVEAWAY I'm doing. There is still time to enter ***

A time for Birthday GIFTS...

2010-11-10T00:01:00.003-07:00

Today, I turn another year older. My digits change again. Yikes!

However, I've embraced this grace... this aging "thing".

It is a beautiful gift to celebrate another year of life and today I'm grateful to do just that.

In the spirit of celebration, I'd like to give one of you a gift.

I want to pour out, if only just a smidgen, some love to you.

SO...

I'm giving away a pair of TOMS shoes. All you need to do is leave a comment to be automatically entered {be sure to leave your email so I can contact you}.

I'll announce the random winner this Friday.

And get this, this is the kind of gift that keeps on giving...

With every pair of TOMS shoes that is purchased, they give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. How fabulous is that?

Really, you are doing me a favour on my birthday... You are giving me the gift to give and for that I am thankful.

Feeling overwhelmed in His saturated blessings, giving Him this life to bring Him glory... I celebrate!!!!

Now, go check it out by clicking here {and tell all your friends to come on by to enter, the more the merrier}!!!

** I am receiving no monetary benefit of any kind from TOMS shoes... I personally think they are a wonderful organization and wanted to bring awareness to it.**

A time for Honest Community...

2010-11-09T00:01:00.004-07:00

{we heart it}

There is something about social media that can bring out real community, when we walk in real honesty.

Last week, I wrote this on my Facebook status "I once read "I'm NOT ok, You're NOT ok, but that's OK"... so this morning, I'm crying honest tears that I'm not ok, but that's ok, right?"

And you know what happened?

Community happened.

Grace happend.

Love happened.

Friends sent me emails and posted ((hugs)) as a reply. I had a couple text messages filled with love and concern, support and prayers. I even received a phone call... from my brother!

You see, I don't talk to my brother much, maybe a few times a year and not because I don't love him or we've had some sort of family-fall-out. It's just that we both live busy lives. Far apart. But when he read my raw candor, something made him want to reach out to give encouragement, understanding, and love.

This is the thing about honesty, it isn't always pretty and it doesn't always look "put together". Honesty can often be a heart-cry or vulnerable confession, but it unites those who understand. Being open brings people together under His banner of love, hope, joy, redemption, peace, mercy, and grace. While shame leaves us feeling alone, abandoned, isolated, and defeated.

That same day, I opened a book to read this...

We're a lot more likely to encounter community in the circle of people who have been broken. We have to be authentic in order to experience authentic community. Why the emphasis on authentic? Because I'm convinced it's largely our inability to be authentic - or real - with each other or ourselves that makes it so difficult for us to recognize the gift of community that God offers us.

The culture we live in today sets up so many expectations for what success looks like. So what do we do? All to often, we hide. We pretend to be something we're not. We immerse ourselves in a false reality.

We may "fake it until we make it".

~ Pete Wilson (Plan B)

Too often we cover up our hurt and pain, minimizing it to keep the flawless image. We keep pretending we can do this on our own or that we have it under control. When the truth is we don't and we can't. We never will.

We need Him.

And when we can be honest about that...

then we live in the freedom of truth which is a glorious gift!

A time to Praise in the Storm...

2010-11-08T00:01:00.002-07:00

I feel like a fraud right now, in this precise moment. I'm sitting before this white glowing screen in my office, tapping keys to jot down weekly gifts of grace and yet my heart is frustrated in this day. I'd rather pout and hide my head under pillows. I'd rather sulk in this dark room with lights off and blood pumping, then to simply let it all go and be made humble in my action.

You see, life doesn't always cater to our needs or turn out how we expect it to. Life isn't aways a bed of roses or daisies. Life sometimes flips us upside down, turns us inside out, and makes us angry in the process.

I'm in that process today. I am.

I wish I could hide it from you, but I can't. I don't want to put on a fake smile and pretend life is all happiness. You deserve honesty from me, even when it isn't pretty, pleasing, or filled with encouragment. And yet, sometimes "keeping it real" is a breath of fresh air.

What I'm learning is that there is always room for truth, there is always room for authenticity, and there is always room for thanks.

Always. Room. For. Thanks.

In every circumstances.

There is room to lift still small voices into heavenly song, to praise Him, even in the midst of a storm...

151. Little stone reminders

152. Freedom that reigns

153. Beautifully painted bowls

154. Hot Chai to settle in

155. Wedding invitations

156. Easily flowing conversation

157. Freshly bathed daughters

158. Cozy blankets

159. Sovereign restoration

... and in bowing low to lift thanks high, He changes the defeated heart. He takes that which is upset and brings His peace. Raging waters, still. Calmness soothes like balm.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

A time to Hear the Silence...

2010-11-05T00:01:00.002-06:00

Silence is loud.

It booms hard and heavy in the quiet stillness.

Our ears tuned to the finest of hums and hushes.

The resonating sound.

Silence is always heard when the stillness falls.

Awareness splits us wide open. Piercing to divide.

Hearts cracking with the vacancy, void of disguised noise that keeps us occupied in the bustle. And you can hear it, the heartaches, the heartbreaks.

Silence is loud.

It jolts the numb. Awakens the dead.

It is heard with the stilled soul.

It's in the stillness, we know.

We hear His very breath and heartbeat.

Tremble in our smallness.

His light pushes away the shadows inside our deaf ears, and we hear the silence roar in His presence.

"Be still, and know that I am God."

(Psalm 46:10a)

Are you afraid to really hear the sound silence?

A time to Love like You...

2010-11-03T00:01:00.002-06:00

Linking up with Imperfect Prose this Thursday

Soul sad, I sit quiet in the shadows of night.

Heaviness settles on shoulders. Eyes blind.

Feeling helpless in my solitary power of one.

No clear explanation for the thick fog that makes one gasp for oxygen.

Extending arms, fumbling through the haze, I lift prayers to the one who saves.

Ask for a miracle parting, to cut a line for clarity in amongst the obscurity. To burst forth light and truth, making a way.

A way for me to love them.

All.

Of.

Them.

To not just feed them. To not just cloth them. To not just pray for them.

But to LOVE unconditional, unrelenting.

My spirit is heavy to know love, like you Jesus.

To bestow love, like you.

To clench it and hold it as sacred. Treasured. Ultimate. And give it just the same.

I scan the world through a different view and I am burdened.

But not without hope, for you have given this life to me as a gift.

Not to be wasted.

Helpless in my strength but powerful in yours.

A life given to love and be loved by you.

To profoundly LOVE, is you.

Flow that through me.

A time to be Faithful in the Little things...

2010-11-02T00:01:00.006-06:00

With the blinds pulled up we look at the moonlight glow and sit cross-legged on her bed.

I love this time with her. Our mother/daughter conversations filled with honesty, laughter, tears. The moments before head hits pillow and we fall asleep to enter in a new day.

I brush her golden hair away from her eyes and gently tuck it behind ear only to see it fall down again on her hot pink frames.

"So baby, did you get a good part in the play?" This was the first moment I've had to ask her about the auditions for the church Christmas production.

"Not really" she tells me with a long drawn out sigh. "I reeeally wanted the part of Esther, but this one will have to do". Her eyes look down at her script, avoiding tears as she thumbs the corner of her black and white booklet.

"You seem quite sad, Hun." I'm pointing out the obvious. Giving her permission to speak freely.

She does.

She tells me how all the character roles she played up to this point in her life have been quite small and she knows she is capable of more. She tells me how sometimes at school she feels alone and longs to be here with me. She tells me that she wants to be someone who makes a difference. She tells me she wants to love God with the same crazy love He has for her. She tells me how she wants to have the responsibility of bigger parts when it comes to live theatre and she's really glum about the role she was recently cast in.

She tells me. More. Always more.

I listen.

Then I speak.

"You my darling, play a huge role. A main part in a beautiful unfolding story." She looks at me with bright eyes and puzzlement. So I continue... "You play a BIG part in my life. You are a daughter worth celebrating, everyday. You are beauty. You are grace. You Anna, are more then enough. You are His child and that is the biggest role you'll ever get."

I can't help the tears from falling as she leans into my arms. Our warm embrace of truth.

We snuggle in tight to lift praise and prayers for having our lives scripted by the hands of God. My heart bursts open as she softly speaks her requests, I'm humbled by her words. With joy she continues in conversation with God"... and Jesus, I thank you for my small part in our Christmas play. Will you give me everything I need to do it well for your glory. For I will be faithful in this little thing, knowing that if I am, you will bless me more."

She teaches me often, this daughter of mine. I learn much from watching her grow.

With forehead kisses and a tender nose-to-nose bump, we say goodnight. I close her door behind me and I stand in the hallway swelling with gratitude. Giving thanks for His mighty work. And how in my moments of want, He calls me to be faithful in the little. Faithful with my portion. Faithful with what I have. Faithful with my life. Faithful to Him.

And in doing so, I enter in.

'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'

(Matthew 25:21)

A time to See the Unlikely Gifts...

2010-11-01T00:01:00.003-06:00

{we heart it}

We've escaped the October storms that spread blankets of white to stay, and I rejoice.

In this barren land, the corpse of summer, we are basking in autumn warmth that radiates His light. Shines bright His brilliance. Preparing earth for winter, the white that has not yet found rest here.

It's all a gift. Surrounding us.

Lifting praise today for the unlikely ones, and how all things can turn to gifts when we give thanks...

141. The crunch of spilt cereal under foot

142. Split wood and ashes

143. Dirty laundry piles

144. Midnight prayers for fallen ones

145. Burnt toast

146. Early chilled mornings

147. Shared brokenness

148. Muddy shoes tracking prints

149. Blown out candles at days end

150. Fallen tears for her Grandpa